JOKES 2

ANG NAKARAAN....
May ibinulong ang daga sa elepante. Biglang hinimatay ang elepante. Ano ang ibinulong ng daga?
DAGA: Buntis ako, ikaw ang ama!

SA PAGPAPATULOY. ...
Dahil di makapaniwala ang elepante, dinala nya ang daga sa doctor. Tuwang-tuwa ang elepante at masayang ibinulong sa daga ang resulta ng ultrasound. Biglang hinimatay ang daga.
Ano ang ibinulong ng elepante? ELEPANTE: Ako nga ang ama, at elepante ang anak natin, at kambal sila! =)
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Isang lalaki na-admit sa St. Luke's sunog dalawang hita...
DR: Nurse, i-dextrose mo tapos antibiotic, burn cream at Viagra.
Nurse: Viagra?
DR: para di sumayad yung kumot sa sugat... =)
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TEACHER: Anong similarity nina Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacio, Ninoy Aquino at Apolinario Mabini?
STUDENT: Ma'am, pagkaka-alam ko po, silang lahat ay pinanganak ng holiday! J
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TITSER: Juan, use recharge & caffeine in a sentence.
JUAN: Si "Recharge" Gutierrez ay si "Caffeine" Barbell. J
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ERAP: Soli ko tong nabili kong DVD.
FPJ: Anong problema?
ERAP: Walang picture, tsaka sound. Sayang. Suspense thriller pa yata to. Tsk, tsk...
FPJ: Anong title?
ERAP: "The Lens Cleaner"
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BUNSO: Tay, may multo daw sa kusina natin?
TATAY: Anak, sino naman nagsabi sayo nyan?
BUNSO: Si ate po!
TATAY: Ay nako, wag ka nga magpapaniwala dun! Wala namang multo eh! Ang mabuti pa samahan mo na lang ako sa kusina, at iinom lang ako ng tubig...
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BATA: Pabili nga po ng ubas....
TINDERO: Wala kame ubas
......kinabukasan. ..
BATA: Pabili nga po ng ubas.....
TINDERO: Wala kame ubas
......kinabukasan ulet...
BATA: Mama, pabili nga po ng ubas....
TINDERO: Sinabi na ngang wala e! Pag nagtanong ka pa, iistepler ko na yang bibig mo! ......kinabukasan ulet...
BATA: Mama, may stapler kayo?
TINDERO: wala..
BATA: Pabili nga po ng ubas
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Psychological Fact: "All emotional pain lasts for 12 minutes.
Anything longer than that is self inflicted."
In short, nag-iinarte ka na lang daw nun! =)
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AMO: Inday, ilipat ang comforter sa kwarto.
INDAY: San ko ilagay kuya?
AMO: Ipatong mo lang sa kama Maya-maya... .
INDAY: Andun na po. Sinama ko na rin ang frenter at iskaner...=)
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PROMDI: Lam ko promdi lang ako kaya wag mo kong lolokohin! Bakit ganito ang kwarto ko?!?! Maliit, wala pang kamaat bintana..... ha?!?!
ROOMBOY: Sir, nasa elevator pa lang po tayo...
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MRS: Bakit ngayon ka lang?
MR: Pasensha na, nagyaya mga officemates ko, nagkainuman lang. Hehe!
MRS: Lasing ka no?
MR: Hindi!
MRS: Anong hindi?! La ka namang trabaho, pano ka nagka-officemates? !!
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WIFE VS. HUSBAND
>A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
>An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to
>concede their position.
>As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked
>sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
>"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

>W O R D S
>
>A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
>day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
>The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
>everything to men...
>The husband then turned to his wife and asked, " What?"

>
>CREATION
>
>A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you
>would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to
>you!"

>WHO DOES WHAT
>
>A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we
>don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
>The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
>Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that
>the man should do the coffee."
>Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
>So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at >the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........
>"HEBREWS"

>
>THE SILENT TREATMENT
>
>A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
>other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
>he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business
>flight.
>Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
>piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
>
>The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he
>had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
>hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
>Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


>God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft
>before the masterpiece.