I’m excited to know how my Valentine’s Day is going to end. Will I be receiving email or text message or will I just be letting myself be tired and have a goodnight's sleep?
A few days ago, I’ve been gathering thoughts about how I’m going to write something about Valentine’s. Just a year ago, I’m one of the myriad happy people anticipating Valentine’s. Now, I’m one of those asking why we have to celebrate the day.
For the past months of painstakingly suffering from a broken heart, all I do is make myself savor all the hurt.
A few weeks before Valentine’s, I had a heart problem again, the physical enlargement of the heart. So all I have to do is rest. It possibly had happened again because I never stopped working ‘til it hurts. I keep working because it’s my way of forgetting only to find out that when I need rest, I’ll think even more. On those rest days, I had time texting old friends.
I’d like to put into record these conversations with friends about relationships and Valentine’s.
One told me to let my feelings flow for someone else which like standing under the rain though it feels good will make me sick. Another one said I should learn to forget ‘cause I’m losing the time when I’m supposed to be happy with someone, sharing, holding and believing that it’s great to fall in love, my ever in-love and soon to be married friend assured. But one text message I’d always remember is the advice from a newly-married friend not to punish myself and enjoy the day, buy flowers and scatter the petals all over my place. The petals thing is a joke. That friend of mine has always integrated reality and half-meant something to laugh about. But the punish thing is true.
Months and months, still I punish myself for not enjoying the life and the love this world is offering.
I believe all these friends will agree that if I just move on if I just am happy about all the things, I will be fooling myself and will be fooling them too. My heart knows who I love and I can’t just fall in love again if everyone around me is. I lost someone I’m working so hard for. I lost the love that made me dream. I wish I knew how to quit.
Just hours before Valentine’s is over, I received an “I love you” message. It’s good to know someone cares and someone loves but I can’t sway my heart.
I’m going to sleep now; my heart is still wide awake longing for someone on my black Valentine’s Day.
A few days ago, I’ve been gathering thoughts about how I’m going to write something about Valentine’s. Just a year ago, I’m one of the myriad happy people anticipating Valentine’s. Now, I’m one of those asking why we have to celebrate the day.
For the past months of painstakingly suffering from a broken heart, all I do is make myself savor all the hurt.
A few weeks before Valentine’s, I had a heart problem again, the physical enlargement of the heart. So all I have to do is rest. It possibly had happened again because I never stopped working ‘til it hurts. I keep working because it’s my way of forgetting only to find out that when I need rest, I’ll think even more. On those rest days, I had time texting old friends.
I’d like to put into record these conversations with friends about relationships and Valentine’s.
One told me to let my feelings flow for someone else which like standing under the rain though it feels good will make me sick. Another one said I should learn to forget ‘cause I’m losing the time when I’m supposed to be happy with someone, sharing, holding and believing that it’s great to fall in love, my ever in-love and soon to be married friend assured. But one text message I’d always remember is the advice from a newly-married friend not to punish myself and enjoy the day, buy flowers and scatter the petals all over my place. The petals thing is a joke. That friend of mine has always integrated reality and half-meant something to laugh about. But the punish thing is true.
Months and months, still I punish myself for not enjoying the life and the love this world is offering.
I believe all these friends will agree that if I just move on if I just am happy about all the things, I will be fooling myself and will be fooling them too. My heart knows who I love and I can’t just fall in love again if everyone around me is. I lost someone I’m working so hard for. I lost the love that made me dream. I wish I knew how to quit.
Just hours before Valentine’s is over, I received an “I love you” message. It’s good to know someone cares and someone loves but I can’t sway my heart.
I’m going to sleep now; my heart is still wide awake longing for someone on my black Valentine’s Day.
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