WORLD'S LIE: I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY

The tragedy of love is in getting hurt. The tragedy of happiness is in not wanting to be happy again. The tragedy of getting hurt is in doing what you don't want to do. And if that's what happening, listen to your heart, for sure you're hoping for someone to lift you up and lead you back to your good life again....

For the past few months, I always find myself drowned to sleep. I got used to it, drinking to sleep, meeting a lot, enjoying a lot and losing a lot of money. I guess I succumb to what most people say, I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!

When everything else fails, we tell ourselves, I deserve to be happy.

August 25, 2007, I read an article from Our Daily Bread which says, "....she grew up lukewarm in her faith and thus believed the world's lie: I deserve to be happy."

Basically the story tells us to love someone you love and to respect someone who loves you. The writer gave suggestions on creating hedges for relationship so you won't look for greener grass.

But instead of following the suggestion, I tried to deviate and maximized my staying power for night outs. Anyway, it was my rest day from work, I deserve to have a break and unwind. I found myself watching a movie of my favorite John Cusack. The movie showed reality and dreams and the bridge in between. It is really a good feeling to see someone you like doing what he does best. That's my first trip.

After the movie, my second leg, bottles of beer. Some friends arrive to play billiards. I stayed seated with my beer watching a songbird alter-ego. Then another group of friends came. Indeed, all we need in life are few good friends and few good beers....

After the show, gotta move on to another bar. I gotta hit the dance floor. Shout, scream, sing-along and keep dancing. During breaks, keep drinking.

Then, it's morning. I'm tired. I gotta eat before going to my bed. Yup, I'm going not to a home, just to my bed and I have everything in it.

I reached my bed and checked my money, I still have it; checked the clock, its 5am and checked my phone, and it’s still the same. Next thing I knew, I'm awake after a 3-hour sleep. And do I feel the same thing? Absolutely not.

I woke up feeling not happy anymore. I still have the same longing. I feel so empty. How I wished few good people would tell me to stop. How I wished few good people would inspire me to stop. And where can I find these few good people? I don't know. Gone maybe. I, myself, am losing the good person in me.

While I still have few good things in my mind, I'm writing so someday I would recall the same feeling when all I did was to have fun, when all I did was plan for what I'm gonna do for the summer, for the breaks. Someday I would recall, I had this much but I lost it all. Just one good question in my mind, on that someday, where would I be?

It's nice to see people enjoying life - one day at a time or even as planned. It's nice to see people with a smile on their face. It's nicer to see people say thank you and well done.

Sometimes, we look at life only at how we can survive each day. We forget to look at how we live and how can we be remembered.

Tonight, I'm out again. But as a person who never stopped believing in the goodness of every man, I hope to see a few good men who'll tell me to stop. Or I hope to see the good man in me who'll say, the pain is over and life may not be as I planned. By then, God will say: you deserve to be happy now.