What if you only have two months left to be with someone you love all your life? You have two options, one is to spend all the time together and make the most of it or leave like you never met.
As I believe in the saying, I won’t be a fool wondering what might have been. I’d be out, express all of my love because I may be losing someone but at least I have shown my love the best way I can. It’s hurtful this way but I’ll be prepared and I’ll be thinking forward.
They say that meeting someone is for you to learn something from that someone. True indeed, as I look back on the previous ideas I’ve written, there was this story about the reindeer potion in which I promised. That same person I meet again.
Two months is what I’m giving myself then let go. Two months then I’ll quit, I’ll stop waiting and move on.
My psychologist friend, Lij said that I’m hypochondriac when I said that I feel I’m wounded all over my body if I have one in my finger. I feel wrecked when I miss something.
I had this chat with a high school friend Kates who even requested permission if she can ask a very personal question. I was hesitant to let her but I said, shoot. Not that I’m afraid of some questions but I’m just uncomfortable because we hadn’t had a talk for quite a time now. It’s been about ten years since we send snail mails to each other. But her question was very simple, do I love myself?
I said no. She said that if I can honestly say yes, I’m on the go.
Have I not loved myself enough? I haven’t.
Kates, who is now happily married in Africa, shared a wonderful story about life. In her lowest time, all she can do is go out and appreciate the sky and the flowers. I ask why she said it means everything has a purpose and reason.
So it thought of my purpose. All I can remember is my mother telling me what it is that I do for our family. That sense of purpose I forget whenever I stay long enough away from them.
I also had a conversation with another friend Robi whom I met years back. He’s also living alone but was successful in putting up his own events business. He gave me an award for Top Quality on Entrepreneurship. Our conversation revolved around living alone, surviving alone and what matters most, family.
I remember watching Wowowee, a foreigner husband of a contestant said: Every day I wake up; you make me become a better person. He was differently-abled. To which the Filipina wife just replied: Ik hou van ghou. My heart cried because that was the same language of love for me years ago. I texted my very good friend, Marly about it. She replied that I should find someone to tell me love in another language. I said I want the same old feeling, she didn’t answer. One thing I know she wants me moving on.
I believe I need a new language of love because I had been reserving my love since the reindeer potion promise but I never felt the importance of that love anymore.
Maybe one day you woke up and realized that you’re out of love, maybe I was just too candid or maybe I was just not worth loving.
Robi was telling me his realizations in life as we talk. I ask why he shies away from commitment, had he not been in love before? He said he does but just come to a point when he was sick and there was no one to depend on except his self and his family. Robi though very outgoing never seems to fail his religious devotion. He prays for his success, he prays to be happy. He is now. And he thanks me for a heartfelt laugh about my stories every time we meet. I’m really a funny and clown person for true friends.
When I further ask on his short-lived commitment, he said he may have had someone for display but inside he isn’t happy that he’s slowly getting away from what he has been working hard for which is his career and his mother.
So it’s really a choice. Some may choose to leave someone to better themselves. But here I am who thinks otherwise.
I’m sick because I think I can’t be successful on something if I’m missing a part needed to be successful as if I still have a cut in my finger. Here I am who can give up things for someone I truly love but I’m living alone. After watching Hannah Montana 2, I found the reason why it’s a climb. A state of heart is a climb.
When can honesty become brutally frank, when it hurts the person listening to your candidness?
I know I missed my reindeer potion chance for one true love. So if true love comes only once in a lifetime, it will never come in this life. But as Kates said, I should love myself even more. Marly said love in another language. Lij said I can’t be sick. Robi said what matters most. And I say I can be whole.
As they say, learning to love your self is the greatest love of all. Now I know why I was asked to sing that song over and over when I was a kid…. See, even simple things happen for a reason.
No comments:
Post a Comment