LESS ALONE, LESS LONELY (The art of celebrating birthday alone)

For the past days, I’ve been preparing for my big day.

Every year, I always go home to celebrate my birthday. If I may say, it started with my grandma’s devotion to have a nine-day nightly prayer for my good health. My parents have said, I was born very sickly due to ice. My mother used to like ice when I was still in her womb.

As I grew up, I learn to believe the significance of ice and prayers. Prayers made me stay calm, God-fearing and soft-spoken. I just can’t imagine myself getting used to what is fad nowadays. Though I may be surrounded by people bragging, bad-mouthing and too much expressing their selves, I stay the same. Just like ice, I can’t live in places where I don’t belong. I’d rather be alone and keep the real me.

All of my preparations for my birthday changed when I decided to be alone and happy than arguing with my older sister at home. Being single for the past years of my life, I adhere to my rules of forgiving. It’s been a question in my mind on how God forgives the sinner and on what’s the use of hell and purgatory.

In my 31st year, I realized, I slowly get angry, I forgive, I give chances but not learning from several mistakes, I put them in my purgatory. Sorry but bad as it seems, I don’t care anymore.

So, I stayed alone and device my plan for my day.

Three days before my birthday, I watched how Salvador of “El Cuerpo” ended his journey in finding his real self. Salvador remembered Cantalecia. That’s the sweetest I could remember in a tv series.

Two days before, I’m decided not to go home anymore. I watched how love forgets the pain of loving so much in “Maalaala Mo Kaya.”

A day before, I learned from Karylle the stages of moving on from failed relationships. She said it starts with denial, then hurt, then bargaining and finally acceptance. Then I watched KC Concepcion’s “For the first time.” But I got confused, can somebody explain to me why Richard Gutierrez had to get out of the car and why KC tried to hold him back crying as he gets out?

A few minutes before 12am, I lighted my scented candle, prayed and thanked God for the successful year. I may not have the salary increase I expected and the job I applied for, I thank God for the pay I get that supports my family, my convenient stay in my pad and being able to buy the things I want. I may not have the relationship that every couple enjoys but I sincerely enjoy the freedom and each moment of my single life.

I plan to wake up early so I can go to Antipolo church but I overslept. I woke up and just decided to check my horoscope in a newspaper and buy myself a new fish. I have now a blue-colored fish in my vase aside from the gold-colored “Goldie” and the red-colored “Heart” in my aquarium.

I remembered to check my cellphone. It’s no longer charged but after connecting it to the power outlet, several messages came in. Manilyn, the little girl we send to school, wished that I’m happy where I am, my little sister greeted me then asked if I already deposited the money and my very good friend Marly reminded me to embrace and appreciate everything that I have right now. True indeed I keep asking for more. I got so many greetings and I’m truly thankful.

I went to the bank to send money then to an internet café to check my Friendster account, which unfortunately is under maintenance until now. It saddens me that I can’t count the birthday greetings there. I decided to buy another newspaper to check again my horoscope. Hehehe. This is weird. Not that I believe in it, I hope to know myself more with it.

I went home to reply to other text messages. And when they knew that I’m here. Invitations poured in that we meet later. I had my schedule from 5, 6 and 7pm. Booking, as I call it.

I watched “No Country for Old Men” as I waited for 5pm. Such is an intelligent movie catching my attention from start to finish. Such is as beautiful as the “American Beauty” and as enticing as “Crash.” Watch those movies guys. You’ll love it.

Five pm, I meet my very best friend who gave me a box of cake. I’ll be eating cake for the rest of the day and tomorrow. And as always, we just keep on laughing about life and how we survive every struggle while keeping friendship for about a decade now. “Bes, ten years na pala tayo magkaibigan! Hehe”

Six pm, I’m about to meet my previous workmates, that includes Marly. But she texted that they still had to practice their dance for December. Another very good friend of mine opts to see me some other time. I still don’t know but I believe it’s going to be another surprise. So, me and my best friend continued the funny stories of our lives and started eating the cake. One very good thing about our friendship is how we turn each sad story into a laughing stuff. I wish everyone could have this kind of friendship we have.

Seven pm, I’m going to see my old friend, way back in college. This is the first time we’re going to meet again after ten years. That’s another decade! What’s in a decade for this birthday of mine? I’ll find out later. Same as we were in college, we had so many stories to tell, endless conversations and same passion in how we’re going to spend each hard-earned-money. So many things to catch up, we plan that we’ll meet our other friend in Hongkong sometime next year. Next year also my ever partner in crime, who never fails to keep in touch and greeted the most number of times, will be staying in Manila. That is truly exciting to look forward to! As we call it a night, I went home too tired that I failed to watch “Kalye”, my favorite late Monday night show.

I overslept again the day after my birthday. I woke up to continue eating the cake. Which made me, aside from being Hari ng Cubao, I’m also now referred to as King of Drama Cakes, my best friend said so. Whatever! Just compare it to this, as there are soaps we patronize each primetime on tv, I have my own drama for cakes. Or better yet, just laugh about it.

I texted my friends to thank them for sharing that day with me. I just realized how grateful I should be for all these friends. I can just count them in my fingers but they are real in the truest sense of the word. They just come along when I least expect them.

I remember one Tagalog movie with this line, when you least expect it, someone will come along and make your life less alone, less lonely. That’s from “Caregiver”, another tearjerker with moral lessons.

As I write this down and post this later in my blog, I go back to the very first idea this story started, we can enjoy in any way we can but I miss my little brother and sister who will soon be taller and brighter than me, my niece and nephew whose future still I don’t know and my parents who made me realize what’s good and bad in what I want to happen, my Kuya and future policewoman, Manilyn, who do everything that I can’t in our family. Our life will soon be better, we will be older but we’ll stay the same. I may be far and alone but with you in my heart and mind, it’s less lonely.

I may not be expecting any greetings from those I have loved before but thanks and it can’t be more.

Happy Birthday to me.