marriage

Marriage Part I

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady
and after the wedding, he laid down the following
rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I
expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell
you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting,
fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my
old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about
it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just
understand that there will be sex here at seven
o'clock every night whether you're here or not."

(DAMN SHE'S GOOD!)
************************************

Marriage Part II

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of
their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone that reads:

"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone that reads:

"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
******************************

Marriage Part III

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at
the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and
says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms
out of the house.

After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides
to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the
phone after many rings, and the irritated husband
says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)
******************************************

Marriage Part IV

A man has six children and is very proud of his
achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts
calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her
objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that
it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife
is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his
voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of
discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready,
Father of Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
**************************************

Marriage Part V

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would
need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early
morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first
to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece
of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it
where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he
was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened
him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The
paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is
always a rough draft before the masterpiece.