A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.
Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.
Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."
"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.
Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.
Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.
The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"
Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart? Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity?
Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
For we do not know the time and the place...
I wish I were writing under different circumstances.
I would like to inform you that my wife Leslie Cruz was part of the casualties in the Glorietta 2 Mall bombing in Makati City, Philippines. She was supposed to have a minor out patient surgery at Makati Medical Center at 230pm.
I had taken a leave from work to accompany her there. We dropped off our daughter, Amber, at my parents place in QC to babysit at around 10am. We then proceeded to Makati and was there at 1230pm. Since she had been fasting in preparation for her procedure, she wanted to move ar ound and listen to some music while I grabbed a bite to eat. We parked at the basement of Park Square 2, and headed for the Glorietta 2 entrance. We parted at the top of the escalator, she turned right towards Filbar's while I went left towards the restaurants. That was the last time I would see her.
Around 120pm, she had called me so that we can meet at the Glorietta 2 exit just in time to make her appointment. As I made my way there from Glorietta 1 through the connecting hallways, and was about to turn the corner, I heard 2 deep thumps and the shock-wave from the blast hit me. At that moment my heart dropped as I knew that the origin of the blast came from the same place where we were supposed to meet. I tried getting to where my wife was, but the dust was too much and it was as if I was staring at a white wall.
I still tried to convince myself that she was able to make it out, and that after ringing her mobile without a response only meant that she dropped it in theconfusion. After 6 hours of searching from Makati Med. to Ospital ng Makati, the blast site, and back again to MMC - with the help of all the people I could get hold of, that I was able to get confirmation in what the state of my wife was.
My Dad and Uncle signaled me in from the ER of MMC. My Uncle (who's a doctor) asked me to describe Leslie's appearance to another group of doctors. I saw in the eyes of one that the description made sense. Instead of confirming it to me, they huddled together, then brought me to a small examination room. It was only through a digital camera that I was able to confirm (and deny) that she was indeed gone.
I have so many regrets. I should have met her sooner. I should have ran instead of a brisk walk. I should have not chose to park where I did. I should have braved the dust and went in the blast site. I should have ...
Today's the 4th day. It is still terribly difficult to breathe, let alone wake up realizing that your source of strength, your best friend doesn't lie beside youon your bed. That my deepest worry is when Amber starts asking for her Mama.
I am glad that Amber's too young to understand the loss and pain. In time I would like to tell her the details of how her mother died, but more importantly I would like to raise her as how her mother lived - a loving person, strong willed, decisive, caring, and nurturing. She has always cared for her family andfriends, and sacrfied her career for being a full time mom and home maker.
As with all couples we had our ups and downs - none of which I regret not going through. The sweet is never as sweet without the sour. For almost 4 years of marriage, we've finally hit our balance in life only to be taken away in an instant. I have no regrets about our marriage. She has loved me and Amber beyond her capacity. I will always love her.
It is my first time to write to egroup as I've lurked and watched emails being sent to and from. All I want now is that for each of the couples here is to cherish each moment that we spend with our loved ones. Pretty simple to say, very easy to take for granted.
Thank you all for the prayers. I would still like to ask you to please include Leslie in them until her 40th day so that the path to God's kingdom is well lit and she is no longer in the dark.
Sincerely,
Carlo Cruz
I would like to inform you that my wife Leslie Cruz was part of the casualties in the Glorietta 2 Mall bombing in Makati City, Philippines. She was supposed to have a minor out patient surgery at Makati Medical Center at 230pm.
I had taken a leave from work to accompany her there. We dropped off our daughter, Amber, at my parents place in QC to babysit at around 10am. We then proceeded to Makati and was there at 1230pm. Since she had been fasting in preparation for her procedure, she wanted to move ar ound and listen to some music while I grabbed a bite to eat. We parked at the basement of Park Square 2, and headed for the Glorietta 2 entrance. We parted at the top of the escalator, she turned right towards Filbar's while I went left towards the restaurants. That was the last time I would see her.
Around 120pm, she had called me so that we can meet at the Glorietta 2 exit just in time to make her appointment. As I made my way there from Glorietta 1 through the connecting hallways, and was about to turn the corner, I heard 2 deep thumps and the shock-wave from the blast hit me. At that moment my heart dropped as I knew that the origin of the blast came from the same place where we were supposed to meet. I tried getting to where my wife was, but the dust was too much and it was as if I was staring at a white wall.
I still tried to convince myself that she was able to make it out, and that after ringing her mobile without a response only meant that she dropped it in theconfusion. After 6 hours of searching from Makati Med. to Ospital ng Makati, the blast site, and back again to MMC - with the help of all the people I could get hold of, that I was able to get confirmation in what the state of my wife was.
My Dad and Uncle signaled me in from the ER of MMC. My Uncle (who's a doctor) asked me to describe Leslie's appearance to another group of doctors. I saw in the eyes of one that the description made sense. Instead of confirming it to me, they huddled together, then brought me to a small examination room. It was only through a digital camera that I was able to confirm (and deny) that she was indeed gone.
I have so many regrets. I should have met her sooner. I should have ran instead of a brisk walk. I should have not chose to park where I did. I should have braved the dust and went in the blast site. I should have ...
Today's the 4th day. It is still terribly difficult to breathe, let alone wake up realizing that your source of strength, your best friend doesn't lie beside youon your bed. That my deepest worry is when Amber starts asking for her Mama.
I am glad that Amber's too young to understand the loss and pain. In time I would like to tell her the details of how her mother died, but more importantly I would like to raise her as how her mother lived - a loving person, strong willed, decisive, caring, and nurturing. She has always cared for her family andfriends, and sacrfied her career for being a full time mom and home maker.
As with all couples we had our ups and downs - none of which I regret not going through. The sweet is never as sweet without the sour. For almost 4 years of marriage, we've finally hit our balance in life only to be taken away in an instant. I have no regrets about our marriage. She has loved me and Amber beyond her capacity. I will always love her.
It is my first time to write to egroup as I've lurked and watched emails being sent to and from. All I want now is that for each of the couples here is to cherish each moment that we spend with our loved ones. Pretty simple to say, very easy to take for granted.
Thank you all for the prayers. I would still like to ask you to please include Leslie in them until her 40th day so that the path to God's kingdom is well lit and she is no longer in the dark.
Sincerely,
Carlo Cruz
Thursday, October 18, 2007
WHAT'S UNWRITTEN ON BURNT BRIDGES?
I'm sleepy after I had few bottles of beer in my favorite sports bar when my friend arrived with a boyfriend (?) Being sleepy and the stupid type who wouldn't start a conversation, I just lean on the foundation while watching a billiards game. Then he said, magkwento ka naman (what's up?). I said I got nothing to say but I can listen. Then, it seems their just having an LQ. But amid the noise, I kept listening and can't sleep anymore. Addict, my friend said, I am.
What's interesting though about their argument is the thin line between words unsaid and the willingness to preserve friendship after goodbye. Had I known this issue before, I'd have given my friend a heads-up. As I see it, it's all about one saying goodbye while (as he said) they still have respect for one another and the other one trying to save the relationship. Both said they had the same purpose: for good-times-sake... It’s really hard to say goodbye without hurting the one you once loved and just as hard on how to keep someone from saying goodbye though he already wants to leave?
On my way home, I asked myself, what's unwritten on burnt bridges?
After hearing argument together and hearing one speak without the other, I can only remember buzzwords that they failed or preferred not to tell each other. And I felt like I have this task of interpreting moarse codes to an enemy.
In relationships we treasure, it’s very difficult giving up someone still so important to you. But as I explained in my previous article about gifts, the best gift we can give to someone we love is what we have and what that someone needs at the moment. We can’t give what we don’t have and they won’t appreciate the gift if it’s not what they need. It’s really a sacrifice when you deeply fall in-love. Part of it is giving in to what your partner wants. If he wants to go, let him go. He will comeback anyway if he’s really yours OR no one can take him away from you, in the first place, if he’s really the one for you.
However, before you say goodbye, let’s not forget the task of de-escalating. That is the sincere saying of “I love you and I can’t let you go.” And if he still wants to leave, set him free for it would do no good anymore to hold on. For sure in the end, you’re not the fool wondering what might have been. In this manner, you’ve done your part and you did everything….
I’ve had relationships that are lost but we never said goodbye. I never knew why. As such, I can only ask myself, why did it happen? Maybe, things like this happen because your partner thinks you can’t take the word goodbye. Maybe your partner thinks you can’t accept comments, criticisms or even ostracisms. Or maybe the relationship is never meant to last or not meant to happen in the first place.
I’ve reached a point of realization that I own nothing in this world. Everything will pass. And the only thing I can control is I, myself and me, the rest, let them lead their lives too. Unless they ask your opinion then share your best practices. Besides, let us learn to enjoy life just watching the view without owning it. Let’s enjoy that they look good but they don’t belong to us….
In my work this time, I’m being coached for customer experience. The coach repeatedly explained that I’m not a bad agent and not that my customers are dissatisfied. She said, it’s an opportunity to learn. I smiled and told her however which way, it is okay. I told her that I heard worst than that. You can tell anything in front of my face and I would do nothing to you. I would just listen. My heart won’t bleed. My eyes won’t cry. I won’t be hurt because I know who I am. We have our own opinion and I can’t control how you see things. But I can take all you said as a suggestion and if applicable, I’ll integrate in my life.
I just could imagine what a wonderful world it would be if anyone can say: you smell bad then cleanse yourself, you’re not presentable then be presentable, I don’t love you anymore then say I love you goodbye.
The task of burning bridges between former lovers is not yours neither it is mine. But the task of writing what needs to be burned is within our scope. That’s why when you’re still in-love with each other or if you still have time with one another, take that opportunity of wholeheartedly knowing each other. When the time comes that you need to say goodbye, you should know how to break heart gently. But if you tell me you can’t gauge when to say goodbye that means say goodbye now or all will be a wasted time. Because with that said, you don’t deserve the love of the other.
It doesn’t take several relationships to learn the art of letting go. It doesn’t take experiences to finally find the right ingredients for a match-made-in-heaven relationship because love is not an experiment where one is constant and the rest can be variable. Love must be treated as a case to case basis. What works for your past relationship will certainly not work for the present.
It’s true that it takes courage and a very open mind to understand goodbye-speech that says it all. And if you want to let your partner read your mind, make sure that you’ve shown him/her the very part of you.
There will also be instances when saying goodbye is reminding your partner that you’re fading much too fast which means there’s still the chance of reconciliation if you do something. In whatever way goodbye is shown, make sure you understand the clue.
The task of befriending your ex will be a distant possibility if you don’t know when to say goodbye.
What’s not written on burnt bridges will remain in the heart and will be a residue that will keep taunting your mind because all that you’d have are words left unsaid before goodbye.
What's interesting though about their argument is the thin line between words unsaid and the willingness to preserve friendship after goodbye. Had I known this issue before, I'd have given my friend a heads-up. As I see it, it's all about one saying goodbye while (as he said) they still have respect for one another and the other one trying to save the relationship. Both said they had the same purpose: for good-times-sake... It’s really hard to say goodbye without hurting the one you once loved and just as hard on how to keep someone from saying goodbye though he already wants to leave?
On my way home, I asked myself, what's unwritten on burnt bridges?
After hearing argument together and hearing one speak without the other, I can only remember buzzwords that they failed or preferred not to tell each other. And I felt like I have this task of interpreting moarse codes to an enemy.
In relationships we treasure, it’s very difficult giving up someone still so important to you. But as I explained in my previous article about gifts, the best gift we can give to someone we love is what we have and what that someone needs at the moment. We can’t give what we don’t have and they won’t appreciate the gift if it’s not what they need. It’s really a sacrifice when you deeply fall in-love. Part of it is giving in to what your partner wants. If he wants to go, let him go. He will comeback anyway if he’s really yours OR no one can take him away from you, in the first place, if he’s really the one for you.
However, before you say goodbye, let’s not forget the task of de-escalating. That is the sincere saying of “I love you and I can’t let you go.” And if he still wants to leave, set him free for it would do no good anymore to hold on. For sure in the end, you’re not the fool wondering what might have been. In this manner, you’ve done your part and you did everything….
I’ve had relationships that are lost but we never said goodbye. I never knew why. As such, I can only ask myself, why did it happen? Maybe, things like this happen because your partner thinks you can’t take the word goodbye. Maybe your partner thinks you can’t accept comments, criticisms or even ostracisms. Or maybe the relationship is never meant to last or not meant to happen in the first place.
I’ve reached a point of realization that I own nothing in this world. Everything will pass. And the only thing I can control is I, myself and me, the rest, let them lead their lives too. Unless they ask your opinion then share your best practices. Besides, let us learn to enjoy life just watching the view without owning it. Let’s enjoy that they look good but they don’t belong to us….
In my work this time, I’m being coached for customer experience. The coach repeatedly explained that I’m not a bad agent and not that my customers are dissatisfied. She said, it’s an opportunity to learn. I smiled and told her however which way, it is okay. I told her that I heard worst than that. You can tell anything in front of my face and I would do nothing to you. I would just listen. My heart won’t bleed. My eyes won’t cry. I won’t be hurt because I know who I am. We have our own opinion and I can’t control how you see things. But I can take all you said as a suggestion and if applicable, I’ll integrate in my life.
I just could imagine what a wonderful world it would be if anyone can say: you smell bad then cleanse yourself, you’re not presentable then be presentable, I don’t love you anymore then say I love you goodbye.
The task of burning bridges between former lovers is not yours neither it is mine. But the task of writing what needs to be burned is within our scope. That’s why when you’re still in-love with each other or if you still have time with one another, take that opportunity of wholeheartedly knowing each other. When the time comes that you need to say goodbye, you should know how to break heart gently. But if you tell me you can’t gauge when to say goodbye that means say goodbye now or all will be a wasted time. Because with that said, you don’t deserve the love of the other.
It doesn’t take several relationships to learn the art of letting go. It doesn’t take experiences to finally find the right ingredients for a match-made-in-heaven relationship because love is not an experiment where one is constant and the rest can be variable. Love must be treated as a case to case basis. What works for your past relationship will certainly not work for the present.
It’s true that it takes courage and a very open mind to understand goodbye-speech that says it all. And if you want to let your partner read your mind, make sure that you’ve shown him/her the very part of you.
There will also be instances when saying goodbye is reminding your partner that you’re fading much too fast which means there’s still the chance of reconciliation if you do something. In whatever way goodbye is shown, make sure you understand the clue.
The task of befriending your ex will be a distant possibility if you don’t know when to say goodbye.
What’s not written on burnt bridges will remain in the heart and will be a residue that will keep taunting your mind because all that you’d have are words left unsaid before goodbye.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
THE GREATEST GIFT OF ALL
Dec 24. Afternoon. Everyone is rushing in-line for gifts and food for Noche Buena. I’m one of them. The only difference is that I’m not spending Christmas with my family. This time I’ll be celebrating Christmas with someone I truly love.
After having all the things I needed. I’m on my way ahead to Cubao train station. It’s another long queue purchasing ticket and another queue for security guard’s check. I have several plastics carried and hurriedly went away.
On the train, properly seated, I realized I'm missing the gift.
Next to Cubao station is GMA-Kamuning station. I went out of the train and talk to the cashier if there’s a way I can check if I left the gift in previous station. And this is my common mistake, I forgot her name. Nice as she is, she allowed me to get to the train back to Cubao and talk to a supervisor who happens to hold the gift I actually dropped while some of my packages are being checked by security guards….. What a relief! Not that I can’t afford to lose anything, gift or whatever. Just that it’s a gift that’s long been requested. I just could imagine how that someone who’d receive the gift would be so happy to have it.
Christmas is fast approaching, as they say, a time to give and a time to share.
On that night before Christmas day, I had several gifts to give. Some were surprised of what I had for them; some appreciated much what I gave them and some just don’t care. And on that day, that was the sign I was looking for….
I am never thoughtful. I seldom give gifts. I seldom give gifts especially wrapped in packages. Never had I done that for my family. So on that day, I had a clear idea of what a gift should be.
Some appreciates what I gave them because they still need it, they still want it. Some may be surprised because they don’t expect, they may want it or they may not even need it. And for those who don’t care, I believe they may want it or they may even need it but for now, right now they don’t want and need it either.
So I decided to go home. This time I’m on a bus. I dropped off in Cubao and started walking alongside the Araneta Center. Suddenly, I hear fireworks. I looked up the sky, I see a celebration. It’s Christmas and there I was, walking alone on Christmas Day. Then, my heart started to cry. My heart made a promise – never will I have a lonely Christmas in my life, never will I be alone on Christmas Eve…..
Christmas is fast approaching once again. And I’ll be celebrating more Christmas in my lifetime.... I’ll be sharing my life and I’ll be giving gifts.
Maybe I’ve been stupid in my life so I celebrated Christmas alone. Bad as it seems, I’m redefining selfless love which to me is giving what would make others happy more than my own. I would let go but not give up. I’ll give in to the truth that I may have failed several times but it won’t mean I won’t be able to find again. And when I have that someone meant for me, I’ll know because no one can take it away from me.
And my gift, I’d be giving it to anyone who needs it. I’ll give love when anyone needs one. And if they no longer need my gift, I won’t be giving it also.
Now on, don’t give me love when I don’t need love anymore. Don't give me time when I don't need your time anymore. For what good it will bring when I've had my time and learned to live my life again.
Give me Mr Chips when I need one or maybe curly tops when I want one. That would be the greatest gift I could consider. That would be your greatest gift, an act of love at the right time that I will truly appreciate.
Christmas is fast approaching again and again and I need to go home. I went home the other day and I bought a lighting beyblade toy for my favorite niece. I taught her how it works. She was able to do it the first time and twisted it much the second time and it broke.
She cried blaming herself that maybe she doesn't know how to play. And I being the spoiling uncle, told her that we'll just buy a new one. My father, being the fixing father-figure to her, got a glue to put it all back again. My brother, being the man of wisdom, explained that that's how toys are made. But I think none of us convinced. She found a paper pencil case and put the beyblade on the other end. She searched for a plastic tape and fixed it on the pencil case. A flashlight, she said, she'd be using during brownouts.
That's the gift in the eyes of a child. A greatest gift, a precious one, turned into a more useful tool. But in my eyes, just make me smile, I can afford the rest. And what makes me smile, just chips and chocolates filled with a heartfelt laughter that when rolled gives me goodnight sleep. That's all I need.
After having all the things I needed. I’m on my way ahead to Cubao train station. It’s another long queue purchasing ticket and another queue for security guard’s check. I have several plastics carried and hurriedly went away.
On the train, properly seated, I realized I'm missing the gift.
Next to Cubao station is GMA-Kamuning station. I went out of the train and talk to the cashier if there’s a way I can check if I left the gift in previous station. And this is my common mistake, I forgot her name. Nice as she is, she allowed me to get to the train back to Cubao and talk to a supervisor who happens to hold the gift I actually dropped while some of my packages are being checked by security guards….. What a relief! Not that I can’t afford to lose anything, gift or whatever. Just that it’s a gift that’s long been requested. I just could imagine how that someone who’d receive the gift would be so happy to have it.
Christmas is fast approaching, as they say, a time to give and a time to share.
On that night before Christmas day, I had several gifts to give. Some were surprised of what I had for them; some appreciated much what I gave them and some just don’t care. And on that day, that was the sign I was looking for….
I am never thoughtful. I seldom give gifts. I seldom give gifts especially wrapped in packages. Never had I done that for my family. So on that day, I had a clear idea of what a gift should be.
Some appreciates what I gave them because they still need it, they still want it. Some may be surprised because they don’t expect, they may want it or they may not even need it. And for those who don’t care, I believe they may want it or they may even need it but for now, right now they don’t want and need it either.
So I decided to go home. This time I’m on a bus. I dropped off in Cubao and started walking alongside the Araneta Center. Suddenly, I hear fireworks. I looked up the sky, I see a celebration. It’s Christmas and there I was, walking alone on Christmas Day. Then, my heart started to cry. My heart made a promise – never will I have a lonely Christmas in my life, never will I be alone on Christmas Eve…..
Christmas is fast approaching once again. And I’ll be celebrating more Christmas in my lifetime.... I’ll be sharing my life and I’ll be giving gifts.
Maybe I’ve been stupid in my life so I celebrated Christmas alone. Bad as it seems, I’m redefining selfless love which to me is giving what would make others happy more than my own. I would let go but not give up. I’ll give in to the truth that I may have failed several times but it won’t mean I won’t be able to find again. And when I have that someone meant for me, I’ll know because no one can take it away from me.
And my gift, I’d be giving it to anyone who needs it. I’ll give love when anyone needs one. And if they no longer need my gift, I won’t be giving it also.
Now on, don’t give me love when I don’t need love anymore. Don't give me time when I don't need your time anymore. For what good it will bring when I've had my time and learned to live my life again.
Give me Mr Chips when I need one or maybe curly tops when I want one. That would be the greatest gift I could consider. That would be your greatest gift, an act of love at the right time that I will truly appreciate.
Christmas is fast approaching again and again and I need to go home. I went home the other day and I bought a lighting beyblade toy for my favorite niece. I taught her how it works. She was able to do it the first time and twisted it much the second time and it broke.
She cried blaming herself that maybe she doesn't know how to play. And I being the spoiling uncle, told her that we'll just buy a new one. My father, being the fixing father-figure to her, got a glue to put it all back again. My brother, being the man of wisdom, explained that that's how toys are made. But I think none of us convinced. She found a paper pencil case and put the beyblade on the other end. She searched for a plastic tape and fixed it on the pencil case. A flashlight, she said, she'd be using during brownouts.
That's the gift in the eyes of a child. A greatest gift, a precious one, turned into a more useful tool. But in my eyes, just make me smile, I can afford the rest. And what makes me smile, just chips and chocolates filled with a heartfelt laughter that when rolled gives me goodnight sleep. That's all I need.
Friday, October 5, 2007
KIds in School Think Quick
> TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.
> MARIA : Here it is!
> TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
> CLASS : Maria!
> ___________________________________________________________
>
> TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
> FRANK : Because of the sign.
> TEACHER : What sign?
> FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
> ___________________________________________________________
> TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
> JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!
> ___________________________________________________________
>
> TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
> GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
> TEACHER : No, that's wrong
> GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
> ___________________________________________________________
> TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
> DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
> TEACHER : What are you talking about?
> DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
> ___________________________________________________________
>
> TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
> didn't have ten years ago.
> WINNIE : Me!
> ___________________________________________________________
> TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
> GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
>
> ___________________________________________________________
> TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
> MILLIE : I is...
> TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
> MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
> ___________________________________________________________
> TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
> TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
> ___________________________________________________________
> TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
> tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father
> didn't punish him?"
> LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.
> ___________________________________________________________
> TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
>
> SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
> ___________________________________________________________
> TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
> your brother's. Did you copy his?
> CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!;
> __________________________________________________________
> TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
> people are no longer interested?
> HAROLD : A teacher...
>
> MARIA : Here it is!
> TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
> CLASS : Maria!
> ___________________________________________________________
>
> TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
> FRANK : Because of the sign.
> TEACHER : What sign?
> FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
> ___________________________________________________________
> TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
> JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!
> ___________________________________________________________
>
> TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
> GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
> TEACHER : No, that's wrong
> GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
> ___________________________________________________________
> TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
> DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
> TEACHER : What are you talking about?
> DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
> ___________________________________________________________
>
> TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
> didn't have ten years ago.
> WINNIE : Me!
> ___________________________________________________________
> TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
> GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
>
> ___________________________________________________________
> TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
> MILLIE : I is...
> TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
> MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
> ___________________________________________________________
> TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
> TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
> ___________________________________________________________
> TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
> tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father
> didn't punish him?"
> LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.
> ___________________________________________________________
> TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
>
> SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
> ___________________________________________________________
> TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
> your brother's. Did you copy his?
> CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!;
> __________________________________________________________
> TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
> people are no longer interested?
> HAROLD : A teacher...
>
marriage
Marriage Part I
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady
and after the wedding, he laid down the following
rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I
expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell
you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting,
fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my
old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about
it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just
understand that there will be sex here at seven
o'clock every night whether you're here or not."
(DAMN SHE'S GOOD!)
************************************
Marriage Part II
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of
their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
******************************
Marriage Part III
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at
the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and
says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms
out of the house.
After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides
to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the
phone after many rings, and the irritated husband
says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)
******************************************
Marriage Part IV
A man has six children and is very proud of his
achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts
calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her
objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that
it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife
is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his
voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of
discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready,
Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
**************************************
Marriage Part V
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would
need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early
morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first
to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece
of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it
where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he
was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened
him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The
paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is
always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady
and after the wedding, he laid down the following
rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I
expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell
you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting,
fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my
old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about
it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just
understand that there will be sex here at seven
o'clock every night whether you're here or not."
(DAMN SHE'S GOOD!)
************************************
Marriage Part II
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of
their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
******************************
Marriage Part III
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at
the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and
says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms
out of the house.
After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides
to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the
phone after many rings, and the irritated husband
says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)
******************************************
Marriage Part IV
A man has six children and is very proud of his
achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts
calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her
objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that
it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife
is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his
voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of
discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready,
Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
**************************************
Marriage Part V
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would
need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early
morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first
to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece
of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it
where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he
was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened
him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The
paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is
always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)