Friday, April 3, 2009

SYNDICATED (What is love when it’s not a match-made-in-heaven?)

Have you experienced when you’re touched by someone you haven’t met? I’ve been feeling this awkwardness I can’t explain.

Have you been affected by something that should not have bothered you at all. I’ve been and I can’t face the truth.

One Saturday night, I was invited to a sports bar meeting. I was invited by a friend and was introduced to a lot. I can’t recall their names, I just remembered two. It was a night of fun and laughter which I haven’t done for months. I can’t remember how many bottles of beer I’ve had, I can’t count.

I went home and forgot to turn off TV until I woke up the next morning. It’s a severe headache and stomachache until the next day of my life.

I’m supposed to watch Richard Poon’s show in the afternoon but I’m still feeling too stressed that day so I just stayed home watching the replay of American Idol.

I’m on to buy some foods when my friend asked thru text for a comment if one of her friends is gay. I said I don’t know, I’m clueless because if someone is dressed as a man I consider him a man. Which means if you’re a cross-dresser, I’d think you’re not who the real you. She said I must be kidding but truth of the matter is I don’t want to think. I’m bad, that’s still the spirit of too much alcohol the other night.

So I stayed at home supposedly watching “love me again” in my computer but I end up reading a vegan blog instead. I can’t help but react when the blog owner said that he wants to take full control of his life and he’ll take the plunge to the things he wanted to do before. I sent him an email that he’s been great the way he is, why change? After reading his recent posts I found out, what he referred to as “magical.” Now I know he must be happy and he seems to be in a magic spell of love.

It’s a feeling of fulfillment when someone thanks you for something you did but you don’t intend to do. I had these virtual friends thanking me for things I wrote or said but I just say it because that’s me expressing myself and giving my opinions. Could it be the magic that I know? I don’t want to figure it out. And it shouldn’t start a magic.

I’ve had my own share of relationships, happy then becoming complicated soon they’re gone. I’ve had my share of relationship that I was made to believe that it was a match-made-in-heaven but it’s not. It might be that way because we thought we’re that someone who can say what is and what is not. But at the end of any relationship, when you look back you’ll know what kind of relationship you had. And when you’ve been in too many relationships, you’ll realize one day who loved you that much and who didn’t.

But why can’t we stop and say this is it, and I’ll settle for this? Is there something that you’re still trying to look in another person and found out later that there’s no such thing as what you’ve been dreaming?

They say the happiest is the second best. I agree.

As early as now, I’m preparing my emotion that in few months my friends are going to marry and I can’t drag them anywhere anymore. We may not know it but even friendships change when love comes in the way. And everything will just be a special memory. At least you had it.

What more if its love that ends and it’s not what you expected it to be? I call it syndicated. It’s a kind of love lost to a syndicate; you’re broken into pieces, so full of traces not knowing if you’ll still be whole again.

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