HANAPIN ANG SARILI….
Sa mata ng isang boss, may isang dosenang klase lang ng empleyado...
CLOWNS - ang official kenkoy ng office. May mga one-liner na gumigising sa lahat kapag nagkakaantukan na. Sabi ng ilang boss, eto raw yung mga KSP sa office na dahil hindi naman matalino, o kadalasang matalino na tamad lang, eh dinadaan na lang sa patawa ang pagpapapansin. Pero aaminin ko, walang opisinang walang ganito, at kung meron man, magigigng malaking sakripisyo ang pagpasok sa work araw-araw
GEEKS - mga taong walang pakialam sa mundo. Papel, boss, at computer lang ang iniintindi. Kahit na mainit na ang ulo ng boss at bad trip, ang mga geeks ang walang takot na lumalapit sa boss at nagtatanong kung mag-iiba ang result ng entry kung isa-substitute ang value ng debit sa credit.
HOLLOW MAN - may 2 uri ng H.M. virus, ang Type A at Type B. Ang type A ay ang empleyado na madalas na invisible sa office, bakante ang upuan, madalas absent. Ang type B naman ang pumapasok sa office bagamat present eh inivisible naman ang work, at hollow ang utak.
SPICE GIRLS - barkadahan ng mga magkaka-ibigang babae mahilig gumimik, sabay-sabay pero laging late na pumapasok. Madalas na may hawak na hairbrush at songhits [how jologs!-uso pa ba to?]. Pag pinagawan mo ng group works, sila ang madalas na magkaka-grupo.
DA GWAPINGS - ang male counterpart ng Spice Girls, isinilang para magpa-cute. Konti lang ang members nito, 2-3 lang para mas pansin ang bawat isa. Tulad ng Spice Girls, kadalasang puro Hair Gel lang ang laman ng utak ng mga Da Gwapings.
CELEBRITIES - Politicians, Athletes, Performers. Politician ang mga palaban na empleyado na mas nag-aalala pa sa kalagayan ng kompanya at mga kapwa empleyado kesa sa performance. Athletes ang ilang 'varsitarians' na kung gaano kabilis pumasok eh ganon kabagal mag-work. Performers naman ang mga empleyado na kaya lang yata pumapasok eh para makasayaw, kumanta, at makatula sa stage kapag organizational day. Sa pangkalahatan, ang mga celebs ay matindi ang PR, pero mababa ang IQ.
GUINNESS - mga record holders pagdating sa persistence. Pilit pinupunan ang mga kakulangan sa katalinuhan. Sila ang mga kadalasang nagtatagumpay sa buhay. Masinop sa work. Mabilis mag-work, kahit na laging mali. (hahaha)
LEATHER GOODS - mga empleyadong maling uri ng determinasyon meron. Laging determinado ang mga ito sa harapang pangungupit, bulgarang pandaraya, at palagiang pagpapalapad ng papel sa boss. Talo ang mga buwaya sa pakapalan.
WEIRDOS - mga problematic employee, misunderstood daw, kadalasang tinatawag na black sheep ng office. May kanya-kanya silang katangian, konti ang kaibigan, madalas mapaaway, mababa ang evaluation, at boss's enemy.
MGA ANAK NI RIZAL - Ang mga Endangered Species kumbaga. Straight 'A' employees pero well rounded at hindi geeks. Boss's pet pero hindi sipsip.Busy sa work pero may oras pa rin sa extra-curricular activities, at gimiks.. Hanep!
BOB ONGS - Mga medjo matino na may sayad...
COMMONERS - mga generic na member ng class. Kulang sa individuality, at katangiang umuukit sa isipan. Hindi sila agad napapansin ng boss pag absent, at sa paglipas ng panahon, sila ang mga taong nakakalimutan ng mga boss at co-employees nila.
Ikaw, san ka kabilang?
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
BEST DIVORCE
Dear Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for
it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me
that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you
came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your
favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of
your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex
or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating
on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West
Virginia together! Have a great life!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you
& I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry
from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out
your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID
notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came
to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not
to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused
with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those
new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still
on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just
borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So
when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us
2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything
happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you
always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you
won't get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was
born Carl . I hope that's not a problem.
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for
it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me
that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you
came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your
favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of
your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex
or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating
on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West
Virginia together! Have a great life!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you
& I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry
from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out
your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID
notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came
to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not
to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused
with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those
new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still
on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just
borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So
when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us
2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything
happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you
always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you
won't get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was
born Carl . I hope that's not a problem.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
A Light for Your Path
Today's Scripture
“Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path” (Psalm 119:105).
Today's Word from Joel and Victoria
Do you need direction in any area of your life today? You might be making decisions about your job, home or relationships, but you don’t have to make those decisions on your own. God is interested in every detail of your life, and He’s provided direction and guidance in His Word. When life seems dark, or when you aren’t sure about which choice to make, turn on the light of God’s Word so you can see clearly what to do. As you meditate on His Word and confess His promises over your life, it chisels away the walls of doubt, fear and uncertainty that would try to block you or hold you back.
Remember, you can always trust God because He is good and He has plans to prosper and bless you when you follow His Word. The Bible tells us that the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn which shines brighter and brighter. That means His truth will guide and direct your heart in the direction of peace, blessing and increase in every area of your life!
A Prayer for Today
Father in heaven, I humbly come to You giving You all that I am. I invite You to direct my steps by the light of Your Word. Fill me with Your peace and confidence as You show me the good plan You have in store. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
“Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path” (Psalm 119:105).
Today's Word from Joel and Victoria
Do you need direction in any area of your life today? You might be making decisions about your job, home or relationships, but you don’t have to make those decisions on your own. God is interested in every detail of your life, and He’s provided direction and guidance in His Word. When life seems dark, or when you aren’t sure about which choice to make, turn on the light of God’s Word so you can see clearly what to do. As you meditate on His Word and confess His promises over your life, it chisels away the walls of doubt, fear and uncertainty that would try to block you or hold you back.
Remember, you can always trust God because He is good and He has plans to prosper and bless you when you follow His Word. The Bible tells us that the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn which shines brighter and brighter. That means His truth will guide and direct your heart in the direction of peace, blessing and increase in every area of your life!
A Prayer for Today
Father in heaven, I humbly come to You giving You all that I am. I invite You to direct my steps by the light of Your Word. Fill me with Your peace and confidence as You show me the good plan You have in store. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
[Non- Work]Hanging On and Never Letting Go
Some years ago, on a hot summer day in south Florida, a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house. In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, leaving behind shoes, socks, and shirt as he went.
He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore.
His father working in the yard saw the two as they got closer and closer together. In utter fear, he ran toward the water, yelling to his son as loudly as he could.
Hearing his voice, the little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to his father. It was too late. Just as he reached his father, the alligator reached him. From the dock, the father grabbed his little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began an incredible tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was much stronger than the father, but the father was much too passionate to let go. A farmer happened to drive by, heard his screams, raced from his truck, took aim and shot the alligator.
Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived. His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal. And, on his arms, were deep scratches where his father's fingernails dug into his flesh in his effort to hang on to the son he loved.
The newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma, asked if he would show him his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs. And then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter, 'But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my Dad wouldn't let go.'
You and I can identify with that little boy. We have scars, too. No, not from an alligator, but the scars of a painful past. Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us deep regret. But, some wounds, my friend, are because God has refused to let go. In the midst of your struggle, He's been there holding on to you.
The Scripture teaches that God loves you. You are a child of God, He wants to protect you and provide for you in every way. But sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous situations, not knowing what lies ahead. The swimming hole of life is filled with peril - and we forget that the enemy is waiting to attack. That's when the tug-of-war begins - and if you have the scars of His love on your arms, be very, very grateful. He did not and will not ever let you go.
Never judge another person's scars, because you don't know how he got them. Right now, someone needs to know that God loves them, and you love them, too- enough to not let them go.
He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore.
His father working in the yard saw the two as they got closer and closer together. In utter fear, he ran toward the water, yelling to his son as loudly as he could.
Hearing his voice, the little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to his father. It was too late. Just as he reached his father, the alligator reached him. From the dock, the father grabbed his little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began an incredible tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was much stronger than the father, but the father was much too passionate to let go. A farmer happened to drive by, heard his screams, raced from his truck, took aim and shot the alligator.
Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived. His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal. And, on his arms, were deep scratches where his father's fingernails dug into his flesh in his effort to hang on to the son he loved.
The newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma, asked if he would show him his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs. And then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter, 'But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my Dad wouldn't let go.'
You and I can identify with that little boy. We have scars, too. No, not from an alligator, but the scars of a painful past. Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us deep regret. But, some wounds, my friend, are because God has refused to let go. In the midst of your struggle, He's been there holding on to you.
The Scripture teaches that God loves you. You are a child of God, He wants to protect you and provide for you in every way. But sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous situations, not knowing what lies ahead. The swimming hole of life is filled with peril - and we forget that the enemy is waiting to attack. That's when the tug-of-war begins - and if you have the scars of His love on your arms, be very, very grateful. He did not and will not ever let you go.
Never judge another person's scars, because you don't know how he got them. Right now, someone needs to know that God loves them, and you love them, too- enough to not let them go.
Bf upgrade
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, FIFA 6.2 and RUGBY 3.0. And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
Reply:
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind; Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try entering the command C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0.
If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 orBeer 6.1.
Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly.wavfiles.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall anotherBoyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crashHusband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 6.9.
Good Luck,
Tech support
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, FIFA 6.2 and RUGBY 3.0. And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
Reply:
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind; Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try entering the command C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0.
If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 orBeer 6.1.
Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly.wavfiles.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall anotherBoyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crashHusband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 6.9.
Good Luck,
Tech support
THIS IS A GOOD REMINDER TO ALL OF US - HOW TO CONTROL EMOTIONS
Mentality Makeover
Today's Scripture
“…Love others as you love yourself” (Galatians 5:14).
Today's Word from Joel and Victoria
What you believe about yourself—your self-esteem, your sense of value, your sense of worth—sets the limits for your life. It sets the limits for your ability to love others the way God intends. The problem that many people have today is they don’t really even like themselves. They constantly focus on their faults and shortcomings and then wonder why they don’t enjoy life or have any enthusiasm or why their relationships aren’t working. Understand that you cannot be negative toward yourself and expect to live a positive, faith-filled life. In order to love yourself so that you can love others, you have to have a mentality makeover. If you’ll get your thinking corrected and start thinking like a champion, like a child of the Most High God, like you’ve been crowned with favor, you’ll be amazed at what will happen. When you change your mentality and allow thoughts of faith and victory to fill your heart and mind, that faith and victory will spill over onto the people around you. When you love yourself the way God loves you, that love will pour out on others as well. As you live and love the way God intends, you will find peace, joy, and victory in every area of your life!
A Prayer for Today
Heavenly Father, I open my heart to You today and ask that You help me see myself and others the way You do. Fill me with Your love and confidence so I can love others the way You intend. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
“…Love others as you love yourself” (Galatians 5:14).
Today's Word from Joel and Victoria
What you believe about yourself—your self-esteem, your sense of value, your sense of worth—sets the limits for your life. It sets the limits for your ability to love others the way God intends. The problem that many people have today is they don’t really even like themselves. They constantly focus on their faults and shortcomings and then wonder why they don’t enjoy life or have any enthusiasm or why their relationships aren’t working. Understand that you cannot be negative toward yourself and expect to live a positive, faith-filled life. In order to love yourself so that you can love others, you have to have a mentality makeover. If you’ll get your thinking corrected and start thinking like a champion, like a child of the Most High God, like you’ve been crowned with favor, you’ll be amazed at what will happen. When you change your mentality and allow thoughts of faith and victory to fill your heart and mind, that faith and victory will spill over onto the people around you. When you love yourself the way God loves you, that love will pour out on others as well. As you live and love the way God intends, you will find peace, joy, and victory in every area of your life!
A Prayer for Today
Heavenly Father, I open my heart to You today and ask that You help me see myself and others the way You do. Fill me with Your love and confidence so I can love others the way You intend. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
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