Saturday, January 30, 2010

My Idea About Emotional Infidelity

It’s been a while since I express my idea through writing. I was so busy with Facebook, expressing my idea in a form of “status.” I was trying to consolidate my ideas but I always end up thinking other things which I can’t write about and I can’t say what it is about, this time.

A friend invited me to his wedding. Few days after, I was luckily chosen for an invitational premiere night screening of Little Boy Big Boy. Thanks Vegan Prince. Thanks also to a friend who lent me the barong. Thanks to another friend who went to the theatre a lot earlier and waited for me. I have so many friends to thank for.

August 30, I applied for a vacation leave to attend the wedding and the premiere screening of the indie film. I was planning to attend just the wedding ceremony in church and proceed to the cinema where my other friend is waiting. But it’s hard to leave a celebration to watch a movie. And I truly apologize to Manager Mark for the inconvenience I caused him. He had to get out of the party so I can get my things in his car. I deeply apologize. I was in a formal attire running for a cab and had to change my clothes in a cab. It was worth the experience. I hope I did not cause much trouble to my different sets of friends.

I arrived at the cinema while the celebrities are still signing autographs, being interviewed and posing for pictures. And there was my friend who had been waiting for hours but I hope it will be worth her wait.

So we entered the cinema and seated near the stars. The movie wasn’t boring at all. I enjoyed the pure-hearted lines of Little Boy and clear message on emotional infidelity of Big Boy. I was just hoping that Little Boy was a little littler and I was hoping too that Little Boy’s mom will never be left again by her boyfriend. True to what the caption is, there’s happiness in every boy within. Everyone as well deserves happiness.

Watching the movie made me realize that I was right even before watching the film. I may not be good in relationship but I can say that I’m deeply rooted to what the truth is. It makes me feel that I’m not that bad after all.

Actually it’s difficult to discuss infidelity especially that I just attended a happy wedding ceremony. The priest was giving advice on what is a way to a woman’s heart is and what’s a way to a man’s heart. And if I may add, based on what I have recently learned, avoiding emotional infidelity paves the way to both hearts.

But my heart is jaded now. Heart said so.

I missed being in a relationship. I missed the feeling when someone cares.

On my way to home, I decided to drop by the restaurant where the owner of wallet which I found on my way to work few days ago. After my stomach was full of vegetable and bottomless iced tea, I looked for the man. He and his wife were so thankful that I returned the wallet. He said that he doesn’t even know that his wallet was lost until I texted him. He wants to give me something in return but I refused. I went out of the restaurant but he followed, he begs me to accept it and that he’ll be humiliated if I don’t accept it. So I did. On my way home, I received a text message from him then another text message from his wife. I told them that I found another friend in them.

I remember a friend who told me that I lost my jacket on my way to work because I don’t care about my jacket anymore. It may be true in a way because I was undecided if I’m going to pick it up on a highway street where it was dropped. Until I don’t see it anymore after few days.

We forget and lose any material things that we own because we don’t care for them anymore because if we do, it remains in heart and mind. And we never forget them even in a single moment of our lives.

Maybe then emotional infidelity is forgetting to care, forgetting to respect someone or anything for that matter because if you do, it slowly builds up a feeling that next thing to do is letting go. It is simply because at the back of your mind, you’re getting used to it and you’re emotionally prepared for whatever.

I went home too tired and alone again. I’m just fine for some good things and new lessons learned on that day but then again I should be glad.

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