A Technical support issue

Call to technical support:Caller: Hi, our printer is not working. Customer Service: What is wrong with it?Caller: Mouse is jammed. Customer Service: Mouse? And how it is related to printer? Caller: Mmmm.. Wait, I will send the screen shoot.
. page down please!

2% or 98%.. must try once......mind blowing....!!!

2% or 98%This is strange...can you figure it out?Are you the 2% or 98% of the population?Follow the instructions! NO PEEKING AHEAD!* Do the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow.* There's no trick or surprise.* Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can!
* Again, as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done each of them ... really.

* Now, scroll down (but not too fast, you might miss something.)


Think of a number from 1 to 10




Multiply that number by 9




If the number is a 2-digit number, add the digits together




Now subtract 5




Determine which letter in the alphabet corresponds to the number you ended up with(example: 1=a, 2=b, 3=c,etc.)




Think of a country that starts with that letter.




Remember the last letter of the name of that country.




Think of the name of an animal that starts with that letter.




Remember the last letter in the name of that animal.




Think of the name of a fruit that starts with that letter.




Are you thinking of a Kangaroo in Denmark eating an Orange ?




I told you this was FREAKY!! If not, you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else. 98% of people will answer with kangaroos in Denmark when given this exercise .

--- j o k e t y m !!!! ---

Ang mga Bisaya di ko maintindihan English nila.

English ng isda... pis.

English ng mukha... pis.

Ng pandikit... pis.

Ng kapayapaan.. . pis.

Tinanong pa ako kung saan ako nakatira... Pis 1 o Pis 2?

Pisti!

=======

(in a cabinet meeting ...)

GMA: oshige ... kung shino man ang tamaan ng bola na ay siyang magre-resign (initsa ang bola, tumalbog pabalik sa kanya ...)

GMA: o ... praktish lang un noh? ulet!

=======

Director: "Sir, we have to do something with our population program. A woman gives birth every 30 seconds here in the Philippines . ..

Erap: "Ha?, you're right...FIND THAT WOMAN!!!"

=======

Pare1: Pare, bat naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang syota? wala ka pa bang napupusuan? Pare2: Meron.. Manhid ka lang!

=======

Mom: baby, you're good in math. Now I'm going to ask you a question.

Baby: sure mom

Mom: if your daddy gives you 3 apples and I give you 4 apples, what's your answer?

Baby: thank you po!!!

=======

BF: may malaki ako problema.

GF: wag mo sabihin problema MO lang, problema NATIN dahil nagmamahalan tayo.ngayon ano problema natin?

BF: nabuntis NATIN si inday at TAYO ang ama

=======

Pare1: pare parang malalim ang iniisip mo!

Pare2: nanaginip ako kagabi kasama ko 50 contestants ng Ms. Universe

Pare1: swerte mo! ano problema mo?

Pare2: pare, ako nanalo!!!

=======

Killer: father mangungumpisal po ako

Father: ano kasalanan mo?

Killer: pumatay po ako ng 20 tao

Father: bakit?

Killer: kasi po naniniwala si la sa Diyos, kayo po naniniwala ba?

Father: dati...pero ngayon trip trip na lang!

=======

Patient: doc takot po ako sa bunot

Dentist: eto gamot pampatapang ng loob

Patient: (ininom ang gamot)

Dentist: ano matapang ka na ba?

Patient: oo doc! puta pag may gumalaw ng ngipin ko basag ang bungo!

=======

Passenger taps taxi driver's shoulder... WAAAAAHHHHHH! !!! scream ed the driver... Passenger: bakit ka sumigaw?

Driver: sorry bossing bago lang kasi ako sa taxi. 25 years po kasi ako driver ng funenaria

=======

1 panget na babe, hinoholdap

Holdaper: holdap ito! akin na gamit mo!

Babae: RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!

Holdaper: anong rape? holdap nga to eh!

Babae: wala lang! nagsusuggest lang...

=======

1 lasing nasalubong ang matabang babae na may kasamang aso

Lasing: hoy, saan mo nakuha yang baboy?

Babae: aso ito hindi baboy!

Lasing: huwag ka nga sumabat! yung aso ang kausap ko!

=======

In a pet shop... Customer talking to a parrot...

Customer: hoy! can you talk ha?! bobo!!!

Parrot: yes i can!!! ikaw?! can you fly ha? GAGO!!!

=======

Priest: ang mga bakla'y walang lugar sa kaharian ng langit

Mga bakla: okey lang po father..dun na lang kami sa rainbow mag slide-slide! !!

thank you

> *I** **AM THANKFUL:** **FOR THE WIFE** **
> WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
> BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
> AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE. **
> **
> **
> FOR THE HUSBAND**
> WHO IS ON THE SOFA
> BEING A COUCH POTATO,
> BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
> AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.** **
> **
> **
> FOR THE TEENAGER**
> WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
> BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
> NOT ON THE STREETS**.* *
> **
>
> FOR THE TAXES I PAY**
> BECAUSE IT MEANS
> I AM EMPLOYED **. **
> **
> **
>
> FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY **
> BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
> BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.**
> **
>
> FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG**
> BECAUSE IT MEANS
> I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT. **
> **
> **
> **
> FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK** **
> BECAUSE IT MEANS
> I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE* *
> **
> **
>
> FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
> WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
> AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING **
> BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME **. **
> **
>
> FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
> I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT **
> BECAUSE IT MEANS> WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.** **
> **
>
> FOR THE PARKING SPOT
> I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT **
> BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
> AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION **.* *
> **
>
> FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL**
> BECAUSE IT MEANS> I AM WARM.**
> **
>
> FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
> WHO SINGS OFF KEY** **BECAUSE IT MEANS
> I CAN HEAR. **
> **
> **
>
> FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING **
> BECAUSE IT MEANS
> I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.* *
> **
> **
>
> FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
> AT THE END OF THE DAY** **
> BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN
> CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD. **
> **
> **
>
> FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
> IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS** **
> BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.* *
> **
> **
> AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL* *
> **
> BECAUSE** **IT MEANS I HAVE
> FRIENDS WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.** **
> **



zandra
"they can because they think they can"

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY!!!!!!

“HOW TO KEEP A WOMAN HAPPY”

It’s not difficult?

All you have to do is to be:
A friend
A Companion
A lover
A brother
A father
A master
A chef
An Electrician
A Carpenter
A Plumber
A Mechanic
A decorator
An Stylist
A Sexologist
A gynecologist
A psychiatrist
A psychologist
A pest terminator
A healer
A good listener
An Organizer
A good father
Very Clean
Sympathetic
Athletic
Warm
Attentive
Gallant
Intelligent
Funny
Creative
Tender
Strong
Understanding
Tolerant
Prudent
Ambitious
Capable
Courageous
Determined
True
Dependable
Passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
Give Her Compliments regularly
Love Shopping
Be Honest
Be very rich
Not Stress her out
Not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO:
Never to forget:
Birthdays
Anniversaries
Arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY!!!!

Leave him in peace
Feed Him well
Let him have the remote control

MEN…… what a demanding creature!!!!!!!!!

Last in Line

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. As they stand at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Paradise and meet their maker, God decides to grant each person one wish because of the grief they have experienced.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too" Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.

This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous, but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.

Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy eventually calms down and says: "Make 'em all ugly again."

NEXT TIME YOU'RE LAST IN LINE. BE HAPPY
Blessed are the Cracked,
For they are the Ones
Who let in the Light!

Did you know?

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb).

The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.

Men are still busy checking their thumbs.

quote

I was having the time of my life being by myself or as Oprah calls it -- party for one

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice!

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana.

6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

9. Sing Along At The Opera.

10. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

11. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'

12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS..

Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile. It's Called....THERAPY

I am also a sponge bob!

IT'S FUN, SO DON'T CHEAT.. SEND IT BACK TO ME: I WANT TO KNOW WHAT CARTOONS I'M HANGING OUT WITH! LOL

Everyone has the personality of a cartoon character. Have you ever asked yourself what cartoon character do you most resemble?

A group of investigators got together and analyzed the personalities of well known and modern cartoon characters. The information that was gathered was made into this test.

Answer all the questions (only 10) with what describes you best, add up all your Points (which are next to the answer that you choose) at the end and look for your results.

Do not cheat by looking at the end of the e-mail before you are done .
Then forward this to all your friends (including the person who sent it to you) and change the subject of this message to what character is you.

1. Which one of the following describes the perfect date?
a) Candlelight dinner (4 pts.)
B) Fun/Theme Park (2 pts.)
C) Painting in the park (5 pts)
D) Rock concert (1 pt.) E) Going to the movies (3 pts.)

2.. What is your favorite type of music?
a) Rock and Roll (2 pts.)
B) Alternative (1 pt.)
C) Soft Rock (4 pts.)
D) Country (5 pts )
E) Pop (3 pts.)

3. What type of movies do you prefer?
a) Comedy (2 pts.)
B) Horror (1 pt.)
C) Musical (3 pts.)
D) Romance (4 pts.)
E) Documentary (5 pts.)

4.. Which one of these occupations would you choose if you only could choose one of these?
a) Waiter (4 pts.)
B) Professional Sports Player (5 pts.)
C) Teacher (3 pts.)
D) Police (2 pts.)
E) Cashier (1 pt)

5. What do you do with your spare time?
a) Exercise (5 pts.)
B) Read (4 pts.)
C) Watch television (2 pts.)
D) Listen to music (1 pt.)
E) Sleep (3 pts.)

6. Which one of the following colors do you like best?
a) Yellow (1 pt.)
B) White (5 pts..)
C) Sky Blue (3 pts)
D) Dark Blue(2 pts.)
E) Red (4 pts.)

7. What do you prefer to eat?
a) Snow (3 pts.)
B) Pizza (2 pts.)
C) Sushi (1 pt.)
D) Pasta (4 pts.)
E) Salad (5 pts.)

8. What is your favorite holiday?
a) Halloween(1 pt.)
B) Christmas(3 pts..)
C) New Year (2 pts.)
D) Valentine's Day(4 pts.)
E) Thanksgiving( 5 pts.)

9. If you could go to one of these places which one would it be?
a) Paris (4 pts)
B) Spain (5 pts)
C) Las Vegas (1 pt)
D) Hawaii (4 pts)
E) Hollywood (3 pts)

10. With which of the following would you prefer to spend time with?
a) Someone Smart (5 pts.)
B) Someone attractive (2 pts.)
C) Someone who likes to Party (1 pt.)
D) Someone who always has fun (3 pts.)
E) Someone very sentimental (4 pts.)

Now add up your points and find out the answer you have been waiting for! Put your character in the subject line and forward to your friends and back to the person that sent t his to you. Very interesting to see "who" your friends are!

(10-16 points) You are Garfield : You are very comfortable, easy going, and you definitely know how to have fun but sometimes you take it to an extreme. You always know what you are doing and you are always in control of your life. Others may not see things as you do, but that doesn't mean that you always have to do what is right. Try to remember, your happy spirit may hurt you or others.

(17-23 points) You are Snoopy: You are fun; you are very cool and popular. You always know what's in and you're never out of style, you are good at knowing how to satisfy everyone else. You have probably disappeared for a few days more than once but you always come home with the family values that you learned. Being married and having children are important to you, but only after you have had your share of fun times

(24-28 points) You are Elmo: You have lots of friends and you are also popular, always willing to give advice and help out a person in need. You are very optimistic and you always see the bright side of things. Some good advice: try not to be too much of a dreamer. Dreaming too big could cause many conflicts in your life.

(29-35 points) You are Sponge Bob Square Pants.. You are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend that anyone could ever have and never wants to lose.. You never cause harm to anyone and they would never not understand your feelings. Life is a journey, it's funny and calm for the most part Stay away from traitors and jealous people and you will be stress free.

(36-43 points) You are Charlie Brown: You are tender, you fall in love quickly but you are also very serious about all relationships. You are a family person. You call your Mom every Sunday. You have many friends and may occasionally forget a few birthdays. Don't let your passion confuse you with reality.

(44-50 points ) You are Dexter: You are smart and definitely a thinker. Every situation is confronted with a plan. You have a brilliant mind. You demonstrate very strong family principles. You maintain a stable routine but never ignore a bad situation when it comes. Try to do less over-thinking every once in a while to spice things up a bit with spontaneity!

prayer

Heavenly Father, most Gracious and Loving God,
I pray to you that you Abundantly bless my family and me.
I know that you recognize, that a Family is more than just a mother, father, sister, brother, husband and Wife, but all who believe and trust in You.

GOD, I send up a prayer request for financial blessing for not only the Person who sent this to me, but for me and all that I have forwarded This message on to.And that the power of joined prayer by those who Believe and trust in you is more powerful than anything.!I thank you in Advance for your blessings.God, deliver the person reading this right Now from debt and debt burdens.

Release your Godly wisdom that I may be a good steward over all that you Have given me GOD, for I know how wonderful and mighty you are and how If we just obey you and walk in your word and have the faith of a Mustard seed that you will pour out blessings.I thank you now Lord for The recent blessings I have received and for the blessings yet to come, Because I know you are not done with me yet.In Jesus name Amen

9 Qualities That Will Rock Your Career 9 Qualities That Will Rock Your Career

Success in life is always relative. Some people are happy with small achievements while there are others who won't be satisfied until mountains are moved.

Regardless of our ambitions, our career spans through a series of jobs and experiences that truly polish our personality and will. While we all have defining moments that will determine our core beliefs around hard work, persistence, determination, etc., these are all simply components of a greater foundation that defines 'you'. A rocking rise through corporate ranks involves a radical understanding and possible change in your attitude and behaviors.

There are millions of brilliant people who pursue aggressive career paths and have their sights set on great achievement. While their ability is nothing short of genius, many lack the soft skills that could put them over the top. These are the traits, qualities and understandings are what make good people great. Practical and time tested, mastering and practicing the following qualities will make if difficult for success to elude you.

1) Out of Box Thinking
Many dislike this term but the concept is for real. All it requires is thinking of problems though a different set of eyes, or different dimension. This is why many brainstorming sessions fail; most people sit and think of work problems in the context of what it means to the company, not the user, not the environment, etc. Sit back and try to solve the problem from the eyes of a 6 year old, turn things upside down, and absolutely challenge the norm. Go outside and sit in a subway station (or somewhere you generally don't sit to work) and think about why other solutions not worked? What has worked?Remember the best ideas come from people who are hands-on with their work. When everyone thinks and recommends a lackluster way, lackluster results will follow. Change your surroundings, change your views, change your thought process and come up with a killer idea!

2) Taking Ownership
When no one is willing to own it, be the first to grab the opportunity. A process involving various stakeholders normally loses vision and momentum. A process with a good leader, input from others, and true direction, has a much better chance of success. Be the person that jumps in and takes on a new project (just don't over-commit). An ability to own and work towards success is a skill which gives long lasting returns.

3) Eagerness to Learn
After a certain period, a job becomes monotonous and people become bored and eventually even lazy. They lose all the zeal to learn new things and although they won't admit this, their actions would make you believe they have thrown in the towel and are satisfied with a status quo life and career. If you really want to move ahead, don't get into this rut. Don't tune out.Always remain eager to learn; you never know what knowledge or capability will push you up in your career. Remember, you need an open mindset and positive attitude to approach work. If you are constantly learning, it will be tough to be or appear to be interested in mediocrity.

4) An Eye for Detail
If you are hands on with your work there is no reason why you won’t know the intricacies involved. Therefore, have the confidence needed to make difficult choices. When you master something and know the minute details, your logic and ideas will be highly regarded. While people love to argue, they get easily impressed by intelligent reasoning too.

5) Willingness to Help
Much of life is give and take. Work is no exception. If you are the person that is constantly stepping out of your comfort zone in order to help others, people (most) will return the favor when you ask. That's the key though, you have to be willing to help someone and not too proud to ask them for help when you need it.

6) Networking
Your network should never be restricted to people in your domain but it should span other departments too. Again, break away from comfort and get engaged with someone from a different department. When you sell yourself in the market, you need people who can vouch for you and the broader the network, the better. A strong network always gives you an upper hand, not only to receive but also influence the information flow.

7) Solution Seeking Mindset
People love to mention and talk about problems. However, when you ask for their solutions to those problems, they aren't willing to go on record with sweeping changes. The majority of employees lack an attitude to solve issues and love to keep them burning for long time, almost to encourage sympathy. It is these times that a positive mindset can send the right vibes across and can really give you a lot of attention. Don't avoid complainers, listen to them just long enough to hear the problem, then try to come up with a solution.

8) Humility
Arrogance has its own advantages but it never attracts more people than the magic done by humility. When you know your work and are humble about it than there is no reason that you would not get the desired appreciation. Humility needs to be pitched with much care lest it lets people take undue advantage of you. Strike the right balance and you would see its real magic.

9) Being Practical
Human beings are emotional and many fall for popular decisions. A practical decision made at right time with right attitude has the ability to shower you with long lasting fame. Remember, the people who are at the top are nothing but practical.

It is a jungle out there where you not only need to survive but flourish too. Develop the killer attitude for success and no one would ever dare to stop you.Always
Work Hard
Make sure the world knows about it
Make sure to sell it in right manner to right people
Go, Get Success