Wednesday, August 27, 2008

WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS?


A drunk man who smelled like beer
sat down on a subway next to a
priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face
was plastered with red lipstick, and
a half-empty bottle of gin was
sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began
reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to
the priest and asked, "Say Father,
what causes arthritis?"
The priest replies, "My Son, it's
caused by loose living, being with
cheap, wicked women, too much
alcohol, contempt for your fellow
man, sleeping around with prostitutes
and lack of a bath.
"The drunk muttered in response,
"Well, I'll be damned, " Then returned
to
his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he
had said, nudged the man and
apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't
mean to come on so strong. How
long
have you had arthritis?"
The drunk answered, "I don't have it,
Father. I was just reading here
that the Pope does."


MORAL: Make sure you understand the question before offering the answer.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

MAYONNAISE JAR: A Different Take on Time Management

When things in your life seem
almost too much to handle,
when 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
remember the mayonnaise jar
and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class
and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
he picked up a very large
and empty mayonnaise jar
and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students
if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles
and poured them into the jar.
He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open
areas between the golf balls.

He then asked
the students again
if the jar was full..
They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand
and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full.

The students responded
with an unanimous
"yes."

The professor then produced
two cups of coffee from under the table
And poured the entire contents
into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor,
as the laughter subsided,
"I want you to recognize that
this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things -
God, family, children, health,friends, and Favorite passions --
things that if everything else was lost
and only they remained,
your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter
like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else --
the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first,"
he continued,
"there is no room for
the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time
and energy on the small stuff,
you will never have room forthe things that are
important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things
that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.
Play another 18.

There will always be time
to clean the house
and fix the disposal.

"Take care of the golf balls first --
the things that really matter.
Set your priorities.
The rest is just sand.

"One of the students raised her hand
and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled.
"I'm glad you asked".

It just goes to show you that no matter how full
your life may seem, there's always room for
a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Tuesday, August 5, 2008