Tuesday, November 18, 2008

LESS ALONE, LESS LONELY (The art of celebrating birthday alone)


For the past days, I’ve been preparing for my big day.

Every year, I always go home to celebrate my birthday. If I may say, it started with my grandma’s devotion to have a nine-day nightly prayer for my good health. My parents have said, I was born very sickly due to ice. My mother used to like ice when I was still in her womb.

As I grew up, I learn to believe the significance of ice and prayers. Prayers made me stay calm, God-fearing and soft-spoken. I just can’t imagine myself getting used to what is fad nowadays. Though I may be surrounded by people bragging, bad-mouthing and too much expressing their selves, I stay the same. Just like ice, I can’t live in places where I don’t belong. I’d rather be alone and keep the real me.

All of my preparations for my birthday changed when I decided to be alone and happy than arguing with my older sister at home. Being single for the past years of my life, I adhere to my rules of forgiving. It’s been a question in my mind on how God forgives the sinner and on what’s the use of hell and purgatory.

In my 31st year, I realized, I slowly get angry, I forgive, I give chances but not learning from several mistakes, I put them in my purgatory. Sorry but bad as it seems, I don’t care anymore.

So, I stayed alone and device my plan for my day.

Three days before my birthday, I watched how Salvador of “El Cuerpo” ended his journey in finding his real self. Salvador remembered Cantalecia. That’s the sweetest I could remember in a tv series.

Two days before, I’m decided not to go home anymore. I watched how love forgets the pain of loving so much in “Maalaala Mo Kaya.”

A day before, I learned from Karylle the stages of moving on from failed relationships. She said it starts with denial, then hurt, then bargaining and finally acceptance. Then I watched KC Concepcion’s “For the first time.” But I got confused, can somebody explain to me why Richard Gutierrez had to get out of the car and why KC tried to hold him back crying as he gets out?

A few minutes before 12am, I lighted my scented candle, prayed and thanked God for the successful year. I may not have the salary increase I expected and the job I applied for, I thank God for the pay I get that supports my family, my convenient stay in my pad and being able to buy the things I want. I may not have the relationship that every couple enjoys but I sincerely enjoy the freedom and each moment of my single life.

I plan to wake up early so I can go to Antipolo church but I overslept. I woke up and just decided to check my horoscope in a newspaper and buy myself a new fish. I have now a blue-colored fish in my vase aside from the gold-colored “Goldie” and the red-colored “Heart” in my aquarium.

I remembered to check my cellphone. It’s no longer charged but after connecting it to the power outlet, several messages came in. Manilyn, the little girl we send to school, wished that I’m happy where I am, my little sister greeted me then asked if I already deposited the money and my very good friend Marly reminded me to embrace and appreciate everything that I have right now. True indeed I keep asking for more. I got so many greetings and I’m truly thankful.

I went to the bank to send money then to an internet café to check my Friendster account, which unfortunately is under maintenance until now. It saddens me that I can’t count the birthday greetings there. I decided to buy another newspaper to check again my horoscope. Hehehe. This is weird. Not that I believe in it, I hope to know myself more with it.

I went home to reply to other text messages. And when they knew that I’m here. Invitations poured in that we meet later. I had my schedule from 5, 6 and 7pm. Booking, as I call it.

I watched “No Country for Old Men” as I waited for 5pm. Such is an intelligent movie catching my attention from start to finish. Such is as beautiful as the “American Beauty” and as enticing as “Crash.” Watch those movies guys. You’ll love it.

Five pm, I meet my very best friend who gave me a box of cake. I’ll be eating cake for the rest of the day and tomorrow. And as always, we just keep on laughing about life and how we survive every struggle while keeping friendship for about a decade now. “Bes, ten years na pala tayo magkaibigan! Hehe”

Six pm, I’m about to meet my previous workmates, that includes Marly. But she texted that they still had to practice their dance for December. Another very good friend of mine opts to see me some other time. I still don’t know but I believe it’s going to be another surprise. So, me and my best friend continued the funny stories of our lives and started eating the cake. One very good thing about our friendship is how we turn each sad story into a laughing stuff. I wish everyone could have this kind of friendship we have.

Seven pm, I’m going to see my old friend, way back in college. This is the first time we’re going to meet again after ten years. That’s another decade! What’s in a decade for this birthday of mine? I’ll find out later. Same as we were in college, we had so many stories to tell, endless conversations and same passion in how we’re going to spend each hard-earned-money. So many things to catch up, we plan that we’ll meet our other friend in Hongkong sometime next year. Next year also my ever partner in crime, who never fails to keep in touch and greeted the most number of times, will be staying in Manila. That is truly exciting to look forward to! As we call it a night, I went home too tired that I failed to watch “Kalye”, my favorite late Monday night show.

I overslept again the day after my birthday. I woke up to continue eating the cake. Which made me, aside from being Hari ng Cubao, I’m also now referred to as King of Drama Cakes, my best friend said so. Whatever! Just compare it to this, as there are soaps we patronize each primetime on tv, I have my own drama for cakes. Or better yet, just laugh about it.

I texted my friends to thank them for sharing that day with me. I just realized how grateful I should be for all these friends. I can just count them in my fingers but they are real in the truest sense of the word. They just come along when I least expect them.

I remember one Tagalog movie with this line, when you least expect it, someone will come along and make your life less alone, less lonely. That’s from “Caregiver”, another tearjerker with moral lessons.

As I write this down and post this later in my blog, I go back to the very first idea this story started, we can enjoy in any way we can but I miss my little brother and sister who will soon be taller and brighter than me, my niece and nephew whose future still I don’t know and my parents who made me realize what’s good and bad in what I want to happen, my Kuya and future policewoman, Manilyn, who do everything that I can’t in our family. Our life will soon be better, we will be older but we’ll stay the same. I may be far and alone but with you in my heart and mind, it’s less lonely.

I may not be expecting any greetings from those I have loved before but thanks and it can’t be more.

Happy Birthday to me.

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

hi vic! i liked it.thanks for including me. nakaka touch yung story mo,,,there are still things na hindi ko alam sayo,,,hehe
just stay hapi always.

Marly

Anonymous said...

i went home today, i found heart floating in the aquarium. i'm really not good in loving someone or just about anything. hahaha

Anonymous said...

uy.....tnx...sa blog mo nainspire ako........ binasa ko talaga...ikaw pala ung Drama Cake...tama ako

Unknown said...

thanks God tumigil na ulan..

wala pa rin nagbabago syo,,galing mo pa rin pagdating sa pagsusulat kaya hanga ako syo. Ganda vic,,ramdam ko every line ng sinulat mo. nakakainspire. kahit single ka pa rin lam ko madami ka na nfulfil sa lyf mo,,at happy ako for you.okei ingat ka lagi.See yah!

ypic,
agnes

katez said...

Hi ulit. I'm truly impressed to pay a visit in your blogs. I'm happy for this beautiful write up......keep it up. You got greater years ahead. God bless!


katez

www.imagebuilding.multiply.com said...

Hi ulit. I'm truly impressed to pay a visit in your blogs. I'm happy for this beautiful write up......keep it up. You got greater years ahead. God bless!


katez

Anonymous said...

Hello it's me, I am also visiting this site daily,
this web site is actually pleasant and the users are in fact sharing good thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Keep functioning ,terrific job!

Anonymous said...

Real informative and wonderful body structure of subject material, now that's
user genial (:.

Anonymous said...

Hey are using Wordpress for your site platform? I'm new
to the blog world but I'm trying to get started and set
up my own. Do you require any coding expertise to make your own blog?
Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Anonymous said...

It is not my first time to pay a visit this website, i am browsing this web site dailly and
take good information from here everyday.

Anonymous said...

This site certainly has all of the information and facts I
needed about this subject and didn't know who to ask.

Anonymous said...

Very good post. I am going through a few of these issues as
well..

Anonymous said...

Hi! Would you mind if I share your blog with my myspace group?
There's a lot of folks that I think would really enjoy your content.
Please let me know. Many thanks

Anonymous said...

What i do not realize is in fact how you
are now not actually much more neatly-appreciated than you might be right now.

You're very intelligent. You realize therefore significantly
with regards to this subject, made me personally consider it
from so many various angles. Its like women and men are not involved except it's one thing
to do with Woman gaga! Your individual stuffs great. At all times deal with it up!

Anonymous said...

Good post over again. I am looking forward for your next post;)

Anonymous said...

Excellent information it is surely. I have been seeking for this tips.

Anonymous said...

Some genuinely superb information, Gladiola I
found this.

Anonymous said...

Right here is the right blog for anybody who would like to find out about this topic.
You understand a whole lot its almost hard to argue with you
(not that I personally would want to...HaHa). You definitely put a fresh spin on a
topic that has been written about for decades. Wonderful stuff, just excellent!

Anonymous said...

This piece of writing gives clear idea in support of the new visitors
of blogging, that in fact how to do blogging.

Anonymous said...

Actually when someone doesn't understand
afterward its up to other visitors that they will help,
so here it takes place.

Anonymous said...

Asking questions are in fact pleasant thing if you are not
understanding anything fully, except this piece of writing offers
nice understanding even.

Anonymous said...

Hello.This article was extremely remarkable,
particularly because I was searching for thoughts on this
matter last Friday.

Anonymous said...

Nice post. I was checking continuously this blog and I'm impressed!
Extremely useful information specially the last part :) I care
for such info a lot. I was seeking this particular information for a
very long time. Thank you and good luck.

Anonymous said...

I intended to write you the little bit of observation so as to
give many thanks once again for all the superb techniques you've documented here.

It is really shockingly generous with you to supply
unhampered just what most of us could have advertised
for an e book in making some profit on their own, notably now that you might have done it in case you considered necessary.

The techniques as well worked like a good way to comprehend many
people have similar zeal the same as my very own to know the truth lots more when it comes to this condition. I know there are many more enjoyable sessions up front
for folks who read your blog post.

Anonymous said...

You have brought up a very superb details, thank you for the post.

Anonymous said...

Some truly interesting details you have written.Helped me a lot,
just what I was searching for :D.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for ones marvelous posting! I genuinely enjoyed reading it, you can be
a great author.I will ensure that I bookmark your blog and will eventually come
back in the foreseeable future. I want to encourage you to continue your great work,
have a nice holiday weekend!

Anonymous said...

Great post. I used to be checking constantly this blog and I am inspired!
Extremely useful information specially the remaining part :
) I handle such information much. I was looking for this particular info
for a very lengthy time. Thank you and good luck.

Anonymous said...

It?s hard to find knowledgeable people about this subject, but you seem like you know what you?re talking about!

Thanks