PARANG SILA, PERO HINDI (rcvd fr email)

She is a 24-year old copywriter. He is an architect. They met and became lovers in college. They broke up last year but remained to be "friends."
They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sure she's okay. They still date. They still have sex.
They don't see anyone else. It is obvious that they still love each other but when asked about their situation, she doesn't know the real score. Even her friends are in the dark. "Parang sila, pero hindi."
She works in a telecom. He is reviewing for the board. They are in the same barkada. They talk on the phone till 4 am. He gives her chocolates, flowers and CDs even when there is no occasion. Their friends are suspecting something. Bakit sila nagsosolo kapag may overnight inuman? Why does he hold her close on the dance floor? Bakit sila magkaholding hands lagi?
Sila kaya?
"He hasn't admitted anything," she rants. "But I let him hug and kiss me.
Parang kami, pero hindi."
They work together in an ad agency. After office, they would watch movie, have dinner and stroll at Glorietta. She gave him Harry Potter books for his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make an ex jealous.
They made out during the company outing in Subic and never talked about it.
He said "I love you" once but she wasn't sure if she heard him correctly because they were both drunk then. But one thing she is sure of is her feelings for him. She likes him. And she's assuming that with what he's doing to her and with her, he likes her, too. There's just one hitch: he has a girlfriend!
She is a 28-year-old virgin. He's a 35-year-old bachelor. Both mountaineers, they became close during their climbs. After a few dates in posh restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would make out. They have been doing this for months. She wants to believe that "sila na" but then she's not really sure about it. "We don't talk about it but it doesn't really matter," she'd tell her friends. "What's important is I am enjoying this -- whatever it is."
The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutual understanding. Pseudo-relationship s. Pseudo-boyfriends.
Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers.
Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-dyowa.
Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.
This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. And for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan.
It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam.
Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna.
Testing lang.
Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usually the guy --may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa gir l (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo."
This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro."
Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan.
So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?
Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang.
Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom. "
Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.
For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling.
Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationship s din ako.
No commitments involved. For the simplest reason that they couldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren't ready to commit.
My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala."
Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.
But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship , the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae lagi ang lugi.
Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really a relationship, you can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your role in his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And if you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself.
Ano ka ba niya para magselos?
Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can't be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya.
Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. Because you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang.
This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship.
Or if there is a relationship at all.
Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much?
What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't?
What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other girls?
Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationship s, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship . Wala kang pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa pseudo-relationship , there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me," hindi "us."
Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh. Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship , hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else.
Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you'd end up hurting yourself in the process.
Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh. Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences.
But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationship s and wait for the real thing.
When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailable guy, a friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka.
Magpakasaya ka.
Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita."
Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo. Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang "parang kayo pero hindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang doon lang siya ...
almost, but not quite.
This is without a doubt one of the nicest good luck forwards I have received.
Hope it works for you - and me
Lotus Totus:
You have 6 minutes
There's some mighty fine advice in these words, even if you're not superstitious. This Lotus Totus has been sent to you for good luck. It has been sent around the world ten times so far.
Do not keep this message.
The Lotus Totus must leave your hands in 6 MINUTES. Otherwise you will get a very unpleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not superstitious, agnostic, or otherwise faith impaired.
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
Now, here's the FUN part! Send this to at least 5 people and your life will improve.1-4 people: Your life will improve slightly.5-9 people: Your life will improve to your liking. 9-14 people: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next 3 weeks15 and above: Your life will improve drastically and everything you ever dreamed of will begin to take shape.A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

JOKES

Parishioner: Father bakit may nakasampay na daster, bra at panty sa may kumbento? may asawa ka?
Father: Kung aasa ako sa mga donasyon nyo, di ako mabubuhay! Tumatanggap akong labada!
_____
GF: I'm warning you! darating na si daddy within 1 hour!
BF: Eh ano ngayon? eh wala naman tayong ginagawang masama ah!
GF: Kaya nga! kung may plano ka, DALIAN MO NA!!=20
_____
Nun: I was raped... what shall i do?
Mother Superior: Hir, take this calamansi.
Nun: wil ds ease d pain?
Mother Superior: sipsipin mo! ng mawala ngiti sa mukha mo , Bwiset!!!
_____
Nay? bakit po VICTORIA ang name ni ate?
Kasi anak dun namin siya ginawa ng itay mo...
Eh bakit si kuya, ANITO?
Ay, tumigil ka na nga Luneta at baka mapalo kita! tawagin mo na si kuyaFX mo!

_____
HONEYMOON:Wife: Hon wag mo ako bibiglain ha? I'm still a virgin
Husband: You mean ako ang una?
Wife: Yes, do it naHusband: I did it na, kanina pa!!
Wife: ah ganon ba? Aray pala!

_____
Ama: Buntis anak ko, panagutan mo!
BF: May asawa na po ako!
Ama: Pano 'to?
BF: Areglo na lang po... 2 M pag Boy, 2.5M pag Girl
Ama: Ok, pero pag nakunan. GIB HER ANADER CHANS ha?

_____
Maid: Sir sinong mas yummy? si mam ba o ako?
Sir: Syempre naman ikaw day! bakit?
Maid: Naguguluhan lang po kasi ako eh... sabi kasi ng driver, eh mas yummy daw talaga si mam!

_____
Wife: Dear, ano regalo mo sa 25th Anniversary natin?
Husband: Dalhin kita sa Africa...
Wife: Wow! How sweet naman... eh! sa 50th Anniversary natin?
Husband: Susunduin na kita!

_____
BUS HINOLDAP!Holdaper: re-reypin ko lahat ng babae dito!
Prosti: ako na lang po, maawa kayo sa iba..
Lola: Sinabi na ngang LAHAT eh! sasagot pa! gagang 'to!

_____
Dalawang probinsyano sumakay sa elevator
Gorio: magkano ibabayad natin?
Andoy: tanga! inosente! bugok! stupid! bat ka magbabayad eh wala paTayong tiket!

_____
Pedro bumps a foreigner
Pedro: ay sori
Foreigner: sorry too
Pedro: sori 3
Foreigner: what are you sorry for?
Pedro: (kala mo bobo ako ha!) sori 5
Foreigner: i think you are sick!
Pedro: hahahaha! sick daw, seven sunod!

_____
Pedro: Pare bakit malungkot ka?
Juan: Asawa ko nag hire ng driver, Gwapo, Bata, Macho!
Pedro: Nagseselos ka?
Juan: Nagtataka lang ako kasi wala kaming sasakyan!

_____
Anak: Itay, bibili ako ng b o nd paper
Itay: Anak, wag kang bobo ha? hindi "b o nd paper" ang tawag dun!
Anak: Ano po ba?
Itay: "Kokongban"

_____
Women are physically stronger than men...
Why?Because women can carry two mountains at a time!
while men can carry only two eggs...
Take Note!with the help of a bird pa!

_____
Madre: Father, tell your seminarian not to urinate along the fence...
Father: Sister naman, maliit na bagay lang papansinin mo pa...
Madre: No Malalaki, Father.. Malalaki!Shocked

____
Alam mo ba kung bakit may sabaw ang balot?
Kung Ikaw kaya ang ikulong sa shell... saan ka ji-jingle?Aber?Saan??Sumagot kaaaa!!!SaaaAANNNNNNN !?! Angry

_____
Farmer: lalaki na talaga ang aking anak kasi magsasaka na, "ano ang plano mong itanim sa sakahan mo anak?"
Anak: flowers papa! lots of Bongacious Flowers!!

____
Ama: Hoy! Huwag kang babakla bakla ha?
Anak: Hindi po Itay, pupunta nga ako ng basketbolan eh!
Ama: Yan! Astig!
Anak: Inay? nakita mo yung POMPOMS ko?
Ina: Alin? yung pink?

____
Misis: " Sir, mananawagan po sana ako sa mister ko kasi dinala Niya ang limang anak namin."
Radio Host: " Ok, go ahead!"
Misis: " Honey, ibalik mo na ang mga bata, isa lang naman ang sa Iyo diyan!"

_____
Juan: San ka galing?
Pedro: sementeryo, libing ng byenan ko.
Juan: E bakit puro kamot ang mukha at braso mo?
Pedro: Mahirap ilibing eh... Lumalaban!!

_____
Two nurses on duty...
Nurse 1: Hoy! Gaga, bakit may thermometer sa tenga mo!
Nurse 2: Ha? susmaryosep! kaninong pwet ko kaya naiwan yung ballpenko!!Shocked

_____
Hari: Ano gusto mong parusa? ipakain sa leon o pasukan ng bubuyog sa pwet?
Pedro: Mas gugustuhin ko pong pasukan ng bubuyog sa pwet.
Hari: Mga kawal! ilabas si Jolibee

> >Street Vendor : "bili na kayo ng relo! gold watch ito!
> >pag namuti, white gold!
> >pag huminto stopwatch!"
> >
> >gf : hu hu hu hu bakit natin ginawa ito? hindi na ako virgin at
> >dalawang beses pa natin ginawa!
> >bf : ano? isa lang ah?!
> >gf : bakit, hindi na ba natin uulitin mamaya?!
> >
> >Couple talking:
> >wife : hon, paki fix naman ilaw sa labas.
> >husband : hello!? electrician ba ako?
> >wife : eh di pkigawa na lang hagdan natin.
> >husband : hello!? karpintero ba ako?
> >umalis c husband, pagbalik gawa na lahat ng sira sa bahay. tinanong
> >niya wife kung sino gumawa ng trabaho.
> >wife : kasi kanina a man saw me crying, sabi ko dami sira dito sa > >bahay. so he offered to help in exhange of either sex or bake ako ng cake.
> >husband : so pnag-bake mo siya ng cake?
> >wife : hello?! baker ba ako?!
> >
> >ANG MARRIED LIFE....
> >May isang intsik na sa sobrang hilig sa karaoke ay inabot ng 5 am.
> >Dahil sa takot mabugbog ni misis, nag-text ng:
> >"HUWAG KA BAYAD RANSOM. NAKATAKAS AKO. UWI NA KO!"
> >
> >Husband: "Paratina lang tayo away! Maghiwalay na lang tayo!"
> >Wife: "Sige, maghati tayo ng mga anak!"
> >Husband: "Akin ang mga guwapo at maganda!"
> >Wife: "Sus! Pinili pa yung hindi kanya!"
> >
> >Sa harap ng nursery window;
> >Friend: Pare, pag laki ng anak mo, am sure magaling mag-drive
> >Dad: Bakit, pare, malaki ba ang kamay?
> >Friend: Hindi. Kasi kamukha siya ng driver ninyo!
> >
> >Husband came home from church, suddenly lifted his wife and carried her.
> >Wife: Why? Did the Pastor tell you to be romantic like this?
> >Husband: No! He told me to carry my cross!
> >
> >Friend: "Wow, pare, ganda ng sapatos mo, ah!"
> >Husband: "Oo. Surprise gift ng kumare mo!"
> >Friend: "Surprise? Ano occassion?"
> >Husband: "Wala. Nakita ko na lang sa ilalim ng kama naming kagabi!"

> >Health Advisory: "Beer contains female hormones, and can turn men into women.
> >After 5 pints.... men become talkative, unreasonable, irritable, cry for nothing, and urinate while sitting!"
> >
> >WIFE: I'm warning you! Parating na husband ko in 1 hour!
> >HANDSOME VISITOR: Wala naman akong ginawang masama ah?
> >WIFE: kaya nga! kung may balak ka, GAWIN MONA!!!
> >
> >WIFE: Himala! aga mong umuwi ngayon.
> >HUSBAND: Sunod ko lang utos ng boss ko. Sabi nya "GO TO HELL", kaya ito uwi agad ako..
> >
> >Wife: Lab, may taning na ang buhay ko. Huling gabi ko na to, let's make love.
> >Husband: Heh! tumigil ka nga. Maaga pa akong gigising bukas, buti ikaw, hindi na.
> >
> >Population policies of countries:
> >China: Stop at 1 child.
> >Singapore: Stop at 2 children
> >Phil: STOP AT 4 A.M.!
> >
> >RUSSIAN: we're 1st in space
> >USA: we're 1st in the moon
> >ERAP: we'll be the 1st in the sun
> >USA: you can't go there, you'll burn
> >ERAP: we're not stupid, we'll go there at NIGHT!
> >
> >Ano kadalasan ang sinasabi kapag nautot?
> >American: Excuse me.
> >British: Pardon me.
> >Pinoy: NOT ME!
> >
> >"SUMPA"
> >Hindi na makakatikim ng napakasarap na 'Sex' ang huling bumasa nito!
> >Ayos safe na ako...papayag ka bang IKAW ang huling babasa nito?
> >hehehe!!!

SIR: Inday, c Sir mo 2..bangga kotse ko and i nid cash!
INDAY: Aru!!! dugo-dugo gang ka noh!S
IR: Gaga! c Sir mo talaga to!
INDAY: Gago! c Sir ang tawag saken CUPCAKE!!!!

KUTO1: do u hear me over?
KUTO2: copy!
KUTO1: location?
KUTO2: sa bulbol ni ma'am..ikaw?
KUTO1: tangina! magkatabi lng pala tayo. nand2 ko sa bigote ni sir!!!

Tatlong nagyayabngan na daga ...
Daga1: kakain ako ng keso na may rat-killer!
Daga2: ha!!! kakain ako ng keso sa mouse trap!!!
Daga3: tsk! tsk! tsk! manood kayo!!!! manrereyp ako ng pusa!!!

TEACHER: Anong mangyayari pag puputulin ang 1 mong tenga?
BOY: hihina po pandinig ko.
TEACHER: e kung dalawang tenga?
BOY: lalabo po paningin ko!
TEACHER: baket naman?
BOY: malalaglag po salamin ko.Dalawang cra ulo....

CRA1: Magaling ka na ba?
CRA2: Oo namn!!!
CRA1: Talaga?...kaya mo bng 2mawid sa ilaw ng flashlight ko?
CRA2: Ano ko cra? e pano kung patayin mo flashlyt mo?...e d nalaglag pa ko!!!

2 Patients are taking sperm count.....
(d nurse masterbates P#1 but sucksP#2)
While the nurse is doing the blow.....
P#1: Ba't blowjob sa kanya e samantalang sakin handjob lang?
NURSE: CASH ito noh!.... sayo PHILHEALTH lang!!!

Dalawang magkaibigan nagtetext....
PEPE: Tol! pasa load namn! 2pesos lang, my katx lng me.
Tol: cge. w8 lng.(message sent)
Pepe: Tnx tol! bait mo talaga!
Tol: Gago! wag ka na magtex! sayang ung pinasa ko sayo!!!
Pepe: k.

GIRL: mag-69 tayo dear!!
BOY: pano un?
GIRL: ganito lang... (pumuwesto na cla at biglang na utot ang girl ng 4 times)
BOY: Ayoko na!!! D KO NA KAYA UNG NATITIRA PANG 65!!!!

SON: dady...baket umuungol c mommy kagabi? my sakit ba cya?
DAD: wala anak... happy lng cya. S
ON: ibig sabihin, gabi-gabi cyang hapi kahit nung nasa states ka pa?

ERAP: doc, i accidentally swallowed a chicken bone.
DOC: is it choking?
ERAP: it's max's.
DOC: i didnt mean chowking...i said, r u choking?
ERAP: no.. im serious!

YEAR 2005....
Prosti 1: sa sobrang hirap ng panahon ngaun,kahit 200 payag na ko.
Prosti 2: ako kahit 100..payag na!
Prosti 3: ako nga blowjob for free! may makain lng!!!

isang gabi...
WIFE: di ako makatulog dahil sa lamok. mag-SEX muna tayo!
HUSBAND: putragis! anong akala mo sa TITI ko?....katol!!!! matulog ka na!!!!

a man was cornered by a lion.
he prayed..."Lord, pls make dis lion a christian".
d lion suddenly knelt down and prayed....
LION: "bless this food that i'm a bout to receive thru Christ our LORD,amen."

a priest lost a bird & asked during mass...
Priest: anyone got a bird?all men stood up.
Priest: i mean, any1 seen a bird?all women stood up.
Priest: i meant any1 seen my bird?...all nuns stood up

ANAK: Dad! naka-experience na ko ng blowjob! yahoo!!!!
DAD: wow! anak!...binata ka na!!!anong feeling?
ANAK: ang sakit po sa panga!!!!

ATTY: Inday! pwede mo bng idiscribe d2 sa korte ang taong nangrape sayo?
INDAY: maitim, panot, tagyawatin, pango ilong at bungal...
SUSPEK: cge!!!!...mangasar ka pa!!!!

dalawang madre nirereyp ng goons....
Madre1: diyos ko! patawarin mo po cla...d nila alam ang kanilang ginagawa.
Madre2: ay yung sakin marunong!!!!

After having sex, panay pa rin ang hawak ng girl sa organ ng lalaki....
BF: Gusto mo pa ulit?
GIRL: hindi..namimiss ko lng.......meron kc ako nito dati e....

MRS: bilis dad! nahulog cel ko sa panty ko!!!! ..nagba-vibrate!!!
MR: e anong gagawin ko? kukunin ko sa panty mo?
MRS: gago!!!! kunin mo ung charger at baka malowbat!!!!

dumating c ngongo sa bahay at tinakpan ang eyes ni misis....
Ngongo: "nges hu?"....
MRS: gago!!!! pa-nges hu nges hu ka pa jan....e ikaw lng ngongo d2!!!!a

wife and husband fighting....
Wife: inamo!!!
Husband: inamo rin!!!
Wife: tarantado!
Husband: tarantado ka rin!!!
Wife: gago!!!
Husband: gago ka rin!!!
Wife: SUPOT!!!!
Husband: ......un nga lng...

Dentist & Lover....
Dentist: we have 2 stop seeing each other... halata na tayo ng MR mo.
Lover: but we love each other!
Dentist: oo nga...but were running out of excuses....ISA NA LNG IPIN MO!

Anak: nay!!! my mens na ko!
Nay: ano kulay...aber?
Anak: dark brown nay!
Nay: lintik na bata to!!!! LBM yan!!! hala..maghugas ka na ng pwet! ambisyosong BAKLA to!!!

Sexy: Doc!! mainit pwet ko!
Doc: lagyan natin ng thermometer
Sexy: hiya ako e.
Doc: cge, off ko ilaw...(in-off ilaw)
Sexy: Doc!!! hindi po pwet yan ha!!!
Doc: cge lang!!! di rin ito thermometer!!!!

Erap: lintek na ibon 2!! iniputan ako!
Bodyguard: sir, kukuha ako ng toilet paper...
Erap: wag na!! pano mo pa mapupunasan un e nakalipad na?! tanga!!! bobo!!!

news advisory:AT LAST!!!... a new generation napkin has been made 2 "satisfy women"!!! introducing....NEW WHISPER WITH TONGUE!!!!.....keeps u wet..even when ur dry..A

Patient: dok. malungkot d2 sa mental kaya naisipan kong sulatan ang sarili ko...
Doc: e ano namn laman ng sulat mo?
Patient: d ko pa po alam kc next wik ko pa ata matatangap...

Jingoy: Dad, 22o bang may side effect ang viagra?
Erap: tanga! sa harap effect nyan hindi sa side!!!!

Wife: honey... bili mo naman ako ng bra...
Husband: Hon.. wag ka ng magbra...liit namn dede mo e..
Wife: (taas ang kilay) e baket ikaw nakabrief?!!

Convict: father...4give me 4 i have sinned...
Pari: sabihin mo lahat ng kasalanan mo anak.
Convict: father, pinatay ko lahat ng naniniwala sa diyos.kau ba naniniwalasa kanya?
Pari: CNO UN?

GIRL: Hide and seek tayo. if u find me, papayag akong makipag-sex sayo...
BOY: e kung di kita makita?
GIRL: nasa likod lng ako ng piano...

GIRL: ang puti naman ng bird mo...
BOY: aba syempre ah!!! likas papaya ata gamit ko jan!!!
GIRL: ginagamitan mo rin ba ng downy?
BOY: baket? bango ba?
GIRL: lambot e!!!

BINATA: mis, pede bang manligaw sayo?
DALAGA: at bakit?! may CRV ka ba? BMW? PAJERO? EXPEDITION?
BINATA: tangina!!! bakit?! ano ba yang PEKPEK mo!!!? PARKING LOT?!!!!!

Telesales agent getting the customer's credit card info:
Agent:Can I have YOUR EXPIRATION DATE,sir?
Customer:My what?

Telesales agent giving promo spiels:
Agent:You called at the right time,ma'am.We've a lot of freebies to give away,such as free installation,free equipment,& free DVD player.That's a great offer,DI BA?
Customer:???

Agent verifying info from customer:
Agent:Is that a P for..... (thinking)... Ping-Pong?
Customer:No,it's B.
Agent:Oh, B, like BING-BONG. C

ustomer trying to return a defective product:
Customer:I need to return this defective sauna belt that you delivered yesterday.
Agent:For that concern,you can call our customer service at http://www.picustomerservice.com/.
Customer: Call where???!!

Agent answering a call: Agent:Thank you for calling about the Dish Network offer,my name is Vince.....(sees that the number called by customer is for a different client-- a DirecTV dealer). Customer:So,I called the wrong number then?
Agent:Let me transfer you to DirecTV....(puts the customer on hold,& then)...Thank you for calling about the DirecTV offer,my name is Vince...

Agent wrapping up the sale:
Agent:Our INSTALLATORS will contact you w/in the next 24 hrs to verify your installation schedules...
Customer:Uhm.... say what,now.Who's gonna call me?
Agent: The INSTALLATORS,sir.

Agent verifying availability of valid mode of payment:
Agent: By the way,sir,do you have a CRAYDIT card in your name?

Agent getting promo code from customer:
Agent: Can I ask for the promo code?It's a bunch of letters.
Customers: Like ABCs?
Agent: Yes. Customer: Ok.ABCDEFG....

Agent verifying customer's location:
Agent: That's W - I - S - C - O - N - S - I - N. So,you're from WESKUN-SIN?
Customer: No,it's Wis-con-sin.
Agent: Ah,OK, WES-KUN-SIN.And what's the country, ma'am?
Customer: Country?..United States...You mean country, right?
Agent: Ah,yes...?

Agent giving the customer service web address:
Agent: It's P-as in Papa,I-as in India,C- as in costume,U- as in you,S- as in Sam,T- as in Tango,O.... Oscar...........V-for Voy.....

Agent wrapping sale,trying to give the account info to customer:
Agent: I'll now give you your account number & order confirmation number, do you have a PEN & BALLPEN with you?

Agent trying to create urgency over the available promotion:
Agent: Are you sure you don't want to take advantage of me?
Customer: Say,what?

Agent trying to upsell a warranty:
Agent: ......Here's an example:In California,a plane crashed into a customer's house,their dish was replaced,no questions asked!

Agent trying to upsell a TiVo to customer:
Agent: With a TiVo,you can do this & that,& you know,pretty much anything under the sun.Isn't that a great offer?
Customer: What?

Agent was asking the customer about the cost of his cable service:
Agent: Let me just ask you....How much are paying with your current provider right now? Customer:Well,I'm only paying $25.00 (--which is way cheaper than what the agent was offering)
Agent: (Surprised) MAGKANO??!!

Agent getting customer's address:
Agent: Can I have your address,pls?
Customer: It's twenyfurfif-ysavan newyaorkgh road (2457 New York Road)
Agent: Can you repeat that ULIT?

Agent asking the customer to be put on hold:
Tech Agent: Sir,Can I hold you for just a minute?
Customer: Sure,baby, go ahead!

Agent verifying correct spelling:
Agent: Is that a B as in boy,or a B as in Bravo?
Customer: ...uhmmm...how about B as in Boy?

Tech Agent giving customer support:
Agent: Is the ethernet cord connected???...
Cust: Tha Hwhut??? (with Alabama accent)
Agent: YUNG yellow cord,mheem...

Agent verifying info:
CS: Come again,sir?!!!
Cust: Oh sure,baby!!! (Siguro egoy 'tong customer n'ya.)

Agent taking survey:
CS: I was hoping you can take this survey with me... Would you have the time to do that,sir? Contact: How long is this gonna to take?
CS: Mmm.. MGA THREE MINUTES PO. (Magalang pa sya, ha?)

Agent from a local phone company entertaining a Visayan customer:
Cust: hiillo!wala kasi yung bell ng pon namin???...
CS: Hindi naman po ba nabagsak yung phone?
Cust: Hende naman...
CS: Kailan pa po ito nagsimula?
Cust: Ang alen?
CS: .Na hindi po nagri-ring yung phone?
Cust: Nagre-reng naman ah?!
CS: Di ba wala pong ring?
Cust: Hende! yong BELL!.. yong lestahan nong babayaran namin!!!...
CS: aahhh... yung BILL?!!!

Tech agent:To help you out with your concern,ma'am,let me just pull out my tool here,ok (referring to a computer program used in call centers to address the customer's concerns)? Customer:Pull out your what now?
Tech Support:Okay Bob,just type P on your keyboard?
Customer: What?Could you repeat that?
Tech Support: 'P' on your keyboard,Bob.
Customer:No way.I'm not going to do that.

Agent: Sir,that is C for Cubao,Q for Quiapo.....
Customer: I don't want to talk to you.
Agent: Who do you want to talk to?
Customer: I want to talk to the highest person.
Agent: My supervisor is not available as of the moment sir.
Customer: I said, I want to talk to the highest person.
Agent: Ok, you want to talk to the highest person?
Customer: Yes! Agent: DO yoU wANT to talk to God or You want to talk to Me?
Customer: $%$*&%, I rather talk to you....

Irate Customer: F***k you!
Tech Support: Sir,we're not allowed to say "F***k YOU!" here...

New Jokes
Mister: Kung gagawa ako ng pelikula, gusto ko, ako si ZORRO!
Misis: Eh ako, sino?
Mister: Si DACOS!
Misis: Dacos? Sino 'yun!
Mister: DA COS of all my ZORROs!Job interview...

Boss: Ano ang alam mo?
Ronnel: Alam ko po kung saan kayo nakatira ng misis mo, at kung saan nakatira ang kabit mo. Boss: Tanggap ka na!

edwin: Sobrang tabatsoy na ang misis ko kaya gusto niyang magbawas ng timbang. Nag-horseback riding siya...J
orge: Ano'ng resulta?
edwin: Nabawasan ng 10 kilos 'yung kabayo!

Ama: Kumusta ang pag-aaral mo?
Anak: Nag-lesson at test po kami tungkol sa mga manok.
Ama: Ano, madali ba?
Anak: Chicken na chicken!
Ama: Anong grade mo?
Anak: Itlog po.

Dalawang holdaper sa bangko...
Holdaper #1: Yehey! Mayaman na tayo!
Holdaper #2: Bilangin mo na!Holdaper: g***! Alam mo naming mahina ako sa math. Abangan na lang natin sa balita kung magkano!

Guro: What is 34 books + 25 books?
Pilo: 59 books po.
Guro: Good. Ang 18 + 29 + 30 books?
Pilo: 77 books.
Guro: Very good. Now, what is 950 + 136 + 672 + 490 + 854 books?
Pilo: Ma'am, library po!

Pasyente: Okey ba ang services sa ospital na ito?
Doktor: Oo naman. Sigurado 'yon.
Pasyente: Paano kung hindi ako satisfied?
Doktor: Ibabalik namin ang sakit mo.

After 50 years...Urbana : Mare, how's your sexlife?
Dolores: Well, sa age ni pare mo, MUKHA na lang ang nagagalit, BALAHIBO na lang ang tumatayo at UBO na lang ang matigas.###

Mga kasabihan:"Magkasinlakas lang ang muscles namin ni Pacquiao, pero hindi talaga ako ang kalaban niya, bakit ba ang kulit ninyo?!" - VINA MORALES

"Anong akala mo sa akin, mayaman?! Nauubusan din ako ng pera!" - ATM"

You never even thanked me for making you happy, then you throw meaway just like that... I hate you for using me, for making my life full ofsh*t..." - TOILET PAPER

"Huwag po nating salubungin ang mga bumababa. Hindi po natin silakamag-anak." - LRT OPERATOR

" Napaka-unfair ng buhay sa mundo... Bakit hindi ako pwedeng magmahal?!" - UKAY-UKAY

"You know, I feel I'm relaxing...you know... Thanks for da God... Toall Filipino, thanks for da supporting wid me..." - MANNY PACQUIAO

"Biktima rin ako ng abortion." - BALUT

"Alam kong may gusto ka sa akin. Pasimple ka pa. Bakit hindi mo akoseryosohin? Pero bago ang lahat, gusto ko, alam mo na hindi akoeasy-to-get. " - FLAT 1.0

"Huwag mong sabihing pinaiyak kita dahil una mo akong sinaktan." - SIBUYAS

"Panakip-butas lang ba talaga ako?" - PANTY

"Halika, pag-initin mo ako! Kailangan kong pumutok upang ako'y iyongmatikman at ika'y masarapan... ayaaan na! Malapit na!!! Puputok na!!! Aaaaahhhh... ." - POPCORN

"Huwag mo akong sisihin kung cold man ako dahil hindi naman akomagmamatigas kung binigyan mo lang sana ako ng konting importansya! "- KANING LAMIG

"Hindi lahat ng alak, nakalalasing. " - ALAK-SAN

"Hindi lahat ng 13, malas." - 13th MONTH PAY