Thursday, October 18, 2007


I'm sleepy after I had few bottles of beer in my favorite sports bar when my friend arrived with a boyfriend (?) Being sleepy and the stupid type who wouldn't start a conversation, I just lean on the foundation while watching a billiards game. Then he said, magkwento ka naman (what's up?). I said I got nothing to say but I can listen. Then, it seems their just having an LQ. But amid the noise, I kept listening and can't sleep anymore. Addict, my friend said, I am.

What's interesting though about their argument is the thin line between words unsaid and the willingness to preserve friendship after goodbye. Had I known this issue before, I'd have given my friend a heads-up. As I see it, it's all about one saying goodbye while (as he said) they still have respect for one another and the other one trying to save the relationship. Both said they had the same purpose: for good-times-sake... It’s really hard to say goodbye without hurting the one you once loved and just as hard on how to keep someone from saying goodbye though he already wants to leave?

On my way home, I asked myself, what's unwritten on burnt bridges?

After hearing argument together and hearing one speak without the other, I can only remember buzzwords that they failed or preferred not to tell each other. And I felt like I have this task of interpreting moarse codes to an enemy.

In relationships we treasure, it’s very difficult giving up someone still so important to you. But as I explained in my previous article about gifts, the best gift we can give to someone we love is what we have and what that someone needs at the moment. We can’t give what we don’t have and they won’t appreciate the gift if it’s not what they need. It’s really a sacrifice when you deeply fall in-love. Part of it is giving in to what your partner wants. If he wants to go, let him go. He will comeback anyway if he’s really yours OR no one can take him away from you, in the first place, if he’s really the one for you.

However, before you say goodbye, let’s not forget the task of de-escalating. That is the sincere saying of “I love you and I can’t let you go.” And if he still wants to leave, set him free for it would do no good anymore to hold on. For sure in the end, you’re not the fool wondering what might have been. In this manner, you’ve done your part and you did everything….

I’ve had relationships that are lost but we never said goodbye. I never knew why. As such, I can only ask myself, why did it happen? Maybe, things like this happen because your partner thinks you can’t take the word goodbye. Maybe your partner thinks you can’t accept comments, criticisms or even ostracisms. Or maybe the relationship is never meant to last or not meant to happen in the first place.

I’ve reached a point of realization that I own nothing in this world. Everything will pass. And the only thing I can control is I, myself and me, the rest, let them lead their lives too. Unless they ask your opinion then share your best practices. Besides, let us learn to enjoy life just watching the view without owning it. Let’s enjoy that they look good but they don’t belong to us….

In my work this time, I’m being coached for customer experience. The coach repeatedly explained that I’m not a bad agent and not that my customers are dissatisfied. She said, it’s an opportunity to learn. I smiled and told her however which way, it is okay. I told her that I heard worst than that. You can tell anything in front of my face and I would do nothing to you. I would just listen. My heart won’t bleed. My eyes won’t cry. I won’t be hurt because I know who I am. We have our own opinion and I can’t control how you see things. But I can take all you said as a suggestion and if applicable, I’ll integrate in my life.

I just could imagine what a wonderful world it would be if anyone can say: you smell bad then cleanse yourself, you’re not presentable then be presentable, I don’t love you anymore then say I love you goodbye.

The task of burning bridges between former lovers is not yours neither it is mine. But the task of writing what needs to be burned is within our scope. That’s why when you’re still in-love with each other or if you still have time with one another, take that opportunity of wholeheartedly knowing each other. When the time comes that you need to say goodbye, you should know how to break heart gently. But if you tell me you can’t gauge when to say goodbye that means say goodbye now or all will be a wasted time. Because with that said, you don’t deserve the love of the other.

It doesn’t take several relationships to learn the art of letting go. It doesn’t take experiences to finally find the right ingredients for a match-made-in-heaven relationship because love is not an experiment where one is constant and the rest can be variable. Love must be treated as a case to case basis. What works for your past relationship will certainly not work for the present.

It’s true that it takes courage and a very open mind to understand goodbye-speech that says it all. And if you want to let your partner read your mind, make sure that you’ve shown him/her the very part of you.

There will also be instances when saying goodbye is reminding your partner that you’re fading much too fast which means there’s still the chance of reconciliation if you do something. In whatever way goodbye is shown, make sure you understand the clue.

The task of befriending your ex will be a distant possibility if you don’t know when to say goodbye.

What’s not written on burnt bridges will remain in the heart and will be a residue that will keep taunting your mind because all that you’d have are words left unsaid before goodbye.

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